Wednesday, July 6, 2016
The Sponge: Part 1
I was watching an old episode of god-knows-what on television today and a woman gave a teenage girl a crystal that would absorb her worries and despair, leaving her with strength and vision. My daughter asked if things like that crystal really worked? I told her, "For some people they do. Things like that have as much power as you give them." Then I wondered to myself, how much power is in belief? If we trust in a rock, or a god, or a person, or a pill, does it have power? The placebo effect isn't a new discovery. The use of a placebo to ease psychological despair is an ages old prescription of relief for the long suffering. It is an actual metric by which we gauge the effectiveness of a drug or treatment. There is in fact power in belief which leads me to believe that power is really only as good as the person who wields it; that the thing, the deity, the rock, the pill is as much good as the one who believes in it. And isn't the purpose of having beliefs to assign something the power to control our interests, our destiny? If not for self interest, what then is the purpose of belief? In order to navigate a senseless world we search for lessons to lessen our pain. Our interests lie in the ease of our own suffering and the accumulation of our heart's desires. When we fail to achieve either, where does that leave us? Do we abandon ship in search of better beliefs, or do we alter our beliefs to suit our circumstances? When life has dealt us blow after blow and our hearts are battered beyond our own recognition, how do we get our power back?
My experiences over the last few years have taken their toll on my beliefs, my trust, even my health. I don't posses faith in my own instincts nor my abilities. I was never one to feel sure footed but I was certainly once courageous. Now I only feel off balance, as though the ground beneath me is shaking. I once trusted myself enough to face uncertainties with the knowledge that regardless of their outcomes, I would somehow manage the results and be alright. Now... Skepticism has replaced my faith. I am mistrustful of circumstances and people because I no longer trust myself. Wherever I look for answers I uncover only more questions. When I feel isolated and lonely I have a tendency to isolate myself further. My pride forces me to suffer silently, albeit begrudgingly. I feel depleted, like a dry sponge with nothing to wring out and no idea what I should absorb to replenish me.
My existence is wearisome. The days ahead feel looming and I can't be still but I find no solace in rest. The only way through appears for now, to be in my own recording. I'll see what I can see and give account to what I find.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Talking to Women: Not Difficult
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for
the past year I’m sure you have heard or read something about street harassment,
the term being used to describe the multitude of ways men communicate with
women they don’t know on the street. The definition is expansive of course and
covers a variety of public locations; although the street (or sidewalk) is
where a majority of women experience most of the unwanted and/or unsolicited attention
they receive from men. I’m not going to debate what constitutes harassment of
this nature or whether the behavior is polite or impolite, complimentary or
demeaning because that’s not what you need to know.
What you need to understand about calling out to or leering at strange women who are happening by you, if indeed you’re guilty of it, is that your intent is irrelevant. Whether you mean to compliment her, demean her, harass her or just meet a secret daily-word quota, what you’re actually doing is frightening most of the women on the receiving end of it. If they’re not afraid then at the very least they’re incredibly uncomfortable. Before I delve into communication-with- women DO’s, I want to tell you about why street harassment is a DON’T, from a woman’s perspective.
I won’t get into all of the mediums society uses to send messages to women. It sends them to men too and we all have to decide how, when or even if we’ll listen to or implement them. You don’t have to read the comments following very many online reports about a woman being sexually assaulted before it becomes abundantly clear that one of the strongest messages we ladies get is that if we want to avoid being kidnapped, raped, assaulted, harassed, stalked, illicitly propositioned, or even felt up it’s our responsibility not only to be armed and trained in the martial arts, but to make sure we don’t send the wrong messages to you guys with what we’re wearing, how much we’re drinking, how friendly we get, and which establishments we patronize. We of course know not all men or even most men pose a threat to us, but here’s the deal ** we have NO IDEA which ones do** so it’s only reasonable that most of us dislike being addressed by strangers on the street because we have no way of knowing who might be a danger to us and we’d just like to get where we’re going without feeling threatened, endangered or at the very least, disrespected.
I feel I’d be doing a disservice to this topic if I did not address one more thing: Calling out to strangers as they pass by regardless of your intent, is weird. Telling a strange woman you like her butt in the jeans she’s wearing or that she has a nice rack is just as bizarre as it would be for a stranger to call out to you that you’re in need of a haircut or you should wear a different shirt with the pants you have on. Your opinion about strangers is unimportant and sharing it is creepy. Opinions are like parties: if yours isn’t invited, it’s not welcome.
Now having this information will prove one of two things about you if you’re a man who engages in this sort of behavior. It will either a) help you recognize what you’re doing makes women uncomfortable and you’ll stop because you’re not a threat to their safety, or b) you won’t care how it affects the people you’re doing it to and will continue on because you are a threat. This is one of the few areas in life that has no gray. It’s black and white. You are or you are not a threat to the safety and well being of women everywhere. If you expect women to play a dominant role in managing their personal safety, it stands to reason they would be suspicious of and want to avoid strangers who harass them. It's hypocritical to blame a victim for their own assault and in the same breath tell other women they're too sensitive when strangers approach, call out to or leer at them. In other words, don't tell women to protect themselves and then get pissed off when they do.
If you want to talk to a woman because you
think she’s attractive, you’re interested in a possible date or hell, even if
all you’re looking for is a hook-up, there’s a way to do it without coming off
as a creeper. You don’t even have to wait for an opportune social engagement to
do it. All you have to do is introduce yourself to a woman who is standing
still. That’s all. I’m imparting this wisdom to you based on my own
personal experiences with men. This is precisely what men who successfully got
me to go out with them did. They walked up to me at a book store, in a
restaurant, at a bar, in the grocery store, told me who they were, engaged me
in light conversation and then either asked for a date on the spot or gave me
their phone number and asked me to call. Did every introduction spark a romance
or even a date? Of course not but every man I have dated, including the one I’m
married to, first introduced himself to me and made an attempt to get to know
me better. As a general rule most women are approachable and receptive to
polite men. If all you want to do is compliment a woman this method is good
for that too and it won’t leave her feeling embarrassed, uncomfortable or running for her life. In fact, it will most likely brighten her day.
It's typical for a majority of men to be what we call, "visual creatures", and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with the way you're made. If we're being completely honest, most women enjoy being looked at by men. We like to feel attractive and admired because dammit, we have to work hard at it! But at the forefront of all our communications should be respect for one another. Our appearance is only one expression of who we are and while we appreciate it being noticed, it should never supersede the fact that we're much, much more than that. Harassing a person, a stranger on the street, reduces them to an inanimate, a junk yard ripe for picking over. If you respect and care for us, if you care about our safety and our right to protect it then talk to us. Let us know who you are because who you are matters. Give us an opportunity to appreciate and value you for it, not fear you and run...
It's typical for a majority of men to be what we call, "visual creatures", and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with the way you're made. If we're being completely honest, most women enjoy being looked at by men. We like to feel attractive and admired because dammit, we have to work hard at it! But at the forefront of all our communications should be respect for one another. Our appearance is only one expression of who we are and while we appreciate it being noticed, it should never supersede the fact that we're much, much more than that. Harassing a person, a stranger on the street, reduces them to an inanimate, a junk yard ripe for picking over. If you respect and care for us, if you care about our safety and our right to protect it then talk to us. Let us know who you are because who you are matters. Give us an opportunity to appreciate and value you for it, not fear you and run...
Friday, October 24, 2014
A Change of Heart
Pink and purple abound this month as it's time to shed light on breast cancer (pink) and domestic violence (purple). I've been particularly sensitive to issues regarding domestic violence recently because it's been a more prevalent topic than usual. I watched a documentary the other day about a nationally known advocate who helped bring charges of kidnapping and assault against a man who forcibly took his estranged wife and daughter on a cross-country trip in his eighteen wheeler where he relentlessly beat his wife over a period of four days with his fists and a maglite flashlight. By the time she was rescued she looked like something out of a horror movie. Her husband wasn't immediately arrested and was only eventually prosecuted because of the tireless efforts of her advocate. The man was sentenced to 21 years in prison predominantly for the kidnapping conviction. If the state she resided in had prosecuted for the assault, it would have earned him a maximum of 150 days in jail. I suppose she was lucky he kidnapped her.
I'm very much aware of the prevailing attitudes toward victims of domestic violence and how they should "just leave" their abusers and how that is a great deal easier said than done; although I must admit I was blind to just how difficult our criminal justice system makes it for anyone to escape a violent and predatory partner. While there are laws in place to "protect" individuals from violent assaults, threats, bodily harm and stalking behaviors, there's also a significant burden on the victims to meet the criteria for such protections to be awarded. Our criminal justice system requires that a victim be beaten enough to satisfy the state. The normal burden of proof that must be supplied when employing an argument of self defense does not apply to victims of domestic violence. There is no better evidence to support my statements than the statistical data gathered and compiled by the NCADV (national coalition against domestic violence) for the Bureau of Justice. The state of Georgia ranks 12th among all 50 states in the highest percentage of murders committed by men against women, and 10th in he highest rate of murders committed by domestic partners, 97% of which the victims are women. Nearly half of the women incarcerated in the state of Georgia are serving time for killing their abusers. Ninety five percent of those women had protective orders against their abusers and were enduring violence or the threat of violence from their abuser when they killed him.
There 's a pervasive attitude toward victims in our society that prevails in our criminal justice system that places more expectation and blame on the abused than the abuser. There is more need for refuge than we have resources , and more tolerance for male on female violence than for stealing someone's television set. If you're inclined to distrust my statements, please look into it yourself. Please, also ask yourself what comes to your mind when you hear of a woman who's been abused by her partner. Do you automatically question why she didn't leave? Do you want to know why she didn't seek shelter elsewhere? Have you ever said to yourself, "If that were me I'd have _____"? If you've ever questioned any of those things before first asking why her abuser was allowed by our justice system to continually terrorize, threaten and harm her, then YOU are a part of the reason why he was allowed to. Predators aren't often choosy about who they violate. Most of them have a history of violence and a list of victims who got away before they were able to deliver their fatal blows.
Something needs to change about how we view domestic violence in our country. We need to change how we punish violent offenders and how we assist their victims, but that would require we also change ourselves, and that's too much to ask, isn't it?
I'm very much aware of the prevailing attitudes toward victims of domestic violence and how they should "just leave" their abusers and how that is a great deal easier said than done; although I must admit I was blind to just how difficult our criminal justice system makes it for anyone to escape a violent and predatory partner. While there are laws in place to "protect" individuals from violent assaults, threats, bodily harm and stalking behaviors, there's also a significant burden on the victims to meet the criteria for such protections to be awarded. Our criminal justice system requires that a victim be beaten enough to satisfy the state. The normal burden of proof that must be supplied when employing an argument of self defense does not apply to victims of domestic violence. There is no better evidence to support my statements than the statistical data gathered and compiled by the NCADV (national coalition against domestic violence) for the Bureau of Justice. The state of Georgia ranks 12th among all 50 states in the highest percentage of murders committed by men against women, and 10th in he highest rate of murders committed by domestic partners, 97% of which the victims are women. Nearly half of the women incarcerated in the state of Georgia are serving time for killing their abusers. Ninety five percent of those women had protective orders against their abusers and were enduring violence or the threat of violence from their abuser when they killed him.
There 's a pervasive attitude toward victims in our society that prevails in our criminal justice system that places more expectation and blame on the abused than the abuser. There is more need for refuge than we have resources , and more tolerance for male on female violence than for stealing someone's television set. If you're inclined to distrust my statements, please look into it yourself. Please, also ask yourself what comes to your mind when you hear of a woman who's been abused by her partner. Do you automatically question why she didn't leave? Do you want to know why she didn't seek shelter elsewhere? Have you ever said to yourself, "If that were me I'd have _____"? If you've ever questioned any of those things before first asking why her abuser was allowed by our justice system to continually terrorize, threaten and harm her, then YOU are a part of the reason why he was allowed to. Predators aren't often choosy about who they violate. Most of them have a history of violence and a list of victims who got away before they were able to deliver their fatal blows.
Something needs to change about how we view domestic violence in our country. We need to change how we punish violent offenders and how we assist their victims, but that would require we also change ourselves, and that's too much to ask, isn't it?
Thursday, May 22, 2014
A Letter to My Son - Regarding Entitlement
My Dearest Favorite Boy,
Throughout the years we've had a lot of interesting conversations. When you were a little boy we talked about super heroes, your love of cheese grits & what type of underwear you preferred (you were partial to the plain briefs). Our conversation topics have broadened since you've become a young man. We've discussed everything from football, YouTube sensations & why you thought you shouldn't have to have your hair cut, to what we expect from you as you progress into adulthood, and much more serious topics like how you're expected (by your parents) to treat girls/women, people of other races, cultures & religions, as well as anyone or anything that is the least bit different from yourself. Your father and I have maintained open dialogue with you and your sister for all of your lives. When stories relevant to topics we feel are important circulate in the news we discuss those with you openly, but to the best of my knowledge we've never discussed entitlement. I'd like to cover that now because it's likely the most important thing we have never discussed.
Entitlement is defined: the fact of having a right to something; the amount to which a person has a right, belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges
synonyms: right, prerogative, claim
Now rest assured I've thought and thought and thought about this, and son, this may come as a shock to you, but aside from the divine right to your own life/existence, the only other thing you're entitled to is the right to defend it and the lives of those you feel a need or desire to protect. That's all. After reading about the young lady who was asked recently to leave her home school association's prom because her dress was causing the males attending to have "impure" thoughts, I started thinking about the sorts of distractions you'll face in your life and whether or not you're entitled to not have to face them. That answer is most decidedly, no. You're not entitled to a life free from distractions or thoughts (pure or impure - whatever the HELL that means). You're not entitled to any form of advantage or privilege because of your race, sex, status or religion. I'm afraid that the subtle and even not so-subtle influences of our culture will try to convince you otherwise. While I could expound on all of the different ways & means by which you're not entitled, I'd like to narrow the focus of this letter to women, specifically.
People, a great deal of them both male & female have a tendency to place blame on girls & women in our society as well as hundreds of others around the world, for causing men & boys to sin and become engrossed in sexual fantasy (otherwise known as thought impurity). We're also blamed for things like the destruction of the traditional family structure, declining morality & some of our nation's fiscal ailments. We're often blamed when sexually violent crimes & crimes of domestic violence are committed against us. We live in a society that heavily influences females to stay alert to their surroundings, not drink alcohol or attend parties, to carry a weapon, attend self defense classes & to dress modestly at all times lest there be a *bad man* in close proximity to us who might be unable to control his impulses to rape when faced with a smidge too much bare skin. There are seldom initiatives taken to educate our children on the importance of consent, autonomy & personal responsibility. No one asks what a rapist was wearing or why they were drinking at a party or among a group of friends. Young boys and men aren't encouraged to dress modestly or maintain constant vigilance over their surroundings. Last but not least, boys & men are almost never, if not never asked to control their own thoughts & refrain from objectifying females as sexual conquests vs. human beings worthy of respect - regardless of her age, dress or sex appeal.
This may seem like an awful lot of 'not(s)' but they're necessary to illustrate my point...
Dearest Son, you are not entitled to environments (whether they be schools, stores, work or otherwise) free from scantily dressed females. You are not entitled to attend a prom & not be distracted by a pretty girl with long legs; you're not entitled to make sexist or demeaning remarks to or about any female, ever. You're not entitled to intimate contact with a female under any circumstances, especially if/when you've paid for her dinner or treated her to an outing or gift. You're not entitled to blame anyone for the thoughts that float around in your own head. You are however responsible for controlling them. You're not entitled to freedom from competition with girls & women for highest GPA, scholarships, awards, recognition, jobs/position, pay, sport, games, or anything else you might find yourself competing for in the future. You're not entitled to a virgin wife, or any wife at all. You're not entitled to make decisions for your future girlfriends or spouse. You're not entitled to make all of the money or most of it. You're not entitled to make every decision about how to spend or invest money when you have a wife. You're not entitled to dictate how, when, why or if any female should become a mother. And finally, you're not entitled to sex, even when you're married.
Many Mothers might wish a modest, religious, servile, virgin woman for their son(s) to marry. But I'm not most Mothers... My wish is for you to find a woman who challenges you on every possible level. A woman who has experienced life on her own terms, in accordance with who she was created to be. I wish you a woman who thinks, and thinks often; a woman who knows what she wants & isn't persuaded by her fears when going after it. I wish a woman for you that loves herself so that she can love you; a woman who is confident in her own dreams so that she can support yours; a woman who inspires you to be the best possible version of yourself. I wish you a woman who is passionate, passionate for you & who will embrace your passion for her. Because son, you are not entitled to a woman like this, but you are absolutely deserving of her.
You deserve to experience the peaks of your potential & the spoils of your hard work. You deserve a life that will yield results equal to effort. You deserve a life of endless opportunities to fail & to succeed because you refused to quit even after you failed. You are entitled to your life, it's defense & the pursuits of your purpose. And no matter your travels, trials, successes or failures, you are loved. There's no end to what I'll do to support & defend your entitlement; and there is no limit to the miles I'll run (and you know I can run) to hold you accountable for your every action. As people, we enter the world owing a debt, to leave it better than when we arrived. The world around you & the people in it owe you nothing. Never forget that, or that I love you.
Love,
Your hell bent & bound to raise a good man - aka, Mom
Throughout the years we've had a lot of interesting conversations. When you were a little boy we talked about super heroes, your love of cheese grits & what type of underwear you preferred (you were partial to the plain briefs). Our conversation topics have broadened since you've become a young man. We've discussed everything from football, YouTube sensations & why you thought you shouldn't have to have your hair cut, to what we expect from you as you progress into adulthood, and much more serious topics like how you're expected (by your parents) to treat girls/women, people of other races, cultures & religions, as well as anyone or anything that is the least bit different from yourself. Your father and I have maintained open dialogue with you and your sister for all of your lives. When stories relevant to topics we feel are important circulate in the news we discuss those with you openly, but to the best of my knowledge we've never discussed entitlement. I'd like to cover that now because it's likely the most important thing we have never discussed.
Entitlement is defined: the fact of having a right to something; the amount to which a person has a right, belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges
synonyms: right, prerogative, claim
Now rest assured I've thought and thought and thought about this, and son, this may come as a shock to you, but aside from the divine right to your own life/existence, the only other thing you're entitled to is the right to defend it and the lives of those you feel a need or desire to protect. That's all. After reading about the young lady who was asked recently to leave her home school association's prom because her dress was causing the males attending to have "impure" thoughts, I started thinking about the sorts of distractions you'll face in your life and whether or not you're entitled to not have to face them. That answer is most decidedly, no. You're not entitled to a life free from distractions or thoughts (pure or impure - whatever the HELL that means). You're not entitled to any form of advantage or privilege because of your race, sex, status or religion. I'm afraid that the subtle and even not so-subtle influences of our culture will try to convince you otherwise. While I could expound on all of the different ways & means by which you're not entitled, I'd like to narrow the focus of this letter to women, specifically.
People, a great deal of them both male & female have a tendency to place blame on girls & women in our society as well as hundreds of others around the world, for causing men & boys to sin and become engrossed in sexual fantasy (otherwise known as thought impurity). We're also blamed for things like the destruction of the traditional family structure, declining morality & some of our nation's fiscal ailments. We're often blamed when sexually violent crimes & crimes of domestic violence are committed against us. We live in a society that heavily influences females to stay alert to their surroundings, not drink alcohol or attend parties, to carry a weapon, attend self defense classes & to dress modestly at all times lest there be a *bad man* in close proximity to us who might be unable to control his impulses to rape when faced with a smidge too much bare skin. There are seldom initiatives taken to educate our children on the importance of consent, autonomy & personal responsibility. No one asks what a rapist was wearing or why they were drinking at a party or among a group of friends. Young boys and men aren't encouraged to dress modestly or maintain constant vigilance over their surroundings. Last but not least, boys & men are almost never, if not never asked to control their own thoughts & refrain from objectifying females as sexual conquests vs. human beings worthy of respect - regardless of her age, dress or sex appeal.
This may seem like an awful lot of 'not(s)' but they're necessary to illustrate my point...
Dearest Son, you are not entitled to environments (whether they be schools, stores, work or otherwise) free from scantily dressed females. You are not entitled to attend a prom & not be distracted by a pretty girl with long legs; you're not entitled to make sexist or demeaning remarks to or about any female, ever. You're not entitled to intimate contact with a female under any circumstances, especially if/when you've paid for her dinner or treated her to an outing or gift. You're not entitled to blame anyone for the thoughts that float around in your own head. You are however responsible for controlling them. You're not entitled to freedom from competition with girls & women for highest GPA, scholarships, awards, recognition, jobs/position, pay, sport, games, or anything else you might find yourself competing for in the future. You're not entitled to a virgin wife, or any wife at all. You're not entitled to make decisions for your future girlfriends or spouse. You're not entitled to make all of the money or most of it. You're not entitled to make every decision about how to spend or invest money when you have a wife. You're not entitled to dictate how, when, why or if any female should become a mother. And finally, you're not entitled to sex, even when you're married.
Many Mothers might wish a modest, religious, servile, virgin woman for their son(s) to marry. But I'm not most Mothers... My wish is for you to find a woman who challenges you on every possible level. A woman who has experienced life on her own terms, in accordance with who she was created to be. I wish you a woman who thinks, and thinks often; a woman who knows what she wants & isn't persuaded by her fears when going after it. I wish a woman for you that loves herself so that she can love you; a woman who is confident in her own dreams so that she can support yours; a woman who inspires you to be the best possible version of yourself. I wish you a woman who is passionate, passionate for you & who will embrace your passion for her. Because son, you are not entitled to a woman like this, but you are absolutely deserving of her.
You deserve to experience the peaks of your potential & the spoils of your hard work. You deserve a life that will yield results equal to effort. You deserve a life of endless opportunities to fail & to succeed because you refused to quit even after you failed. You are entitled to your life, it's defense & the pursuits of your purpose. And no matter your travels, trials, successes or failures, you are loved. There's no end to what I'll do to support & defend your entitlement; and there is no limit to the miles I'll run (and you know I can run) to hold you accountable for your every action. As people, we enter the world owing a debt, to leave it better than when we arrived. The world around you & the people in it owe you nothing. Never forget that, or that I love you.
Love,
Your hell bent & bound to raise a good man - aka, Mom
Friday, May 9, 2014
The Mother in Me
The approaching of Mother's Day always has the same affect on me. The entire week before, I begin to take stock of myself, I internalize every parenting decision I can remember making. I begin my annual study of other mothers, my own mother, mothers of many, mothers of few, step mothers, foster mothers, new mothers, old mothers, grandmothers, mothers of fur children; you name it, I start watching them intently, or studying my memory for examples of them. I pay close attention to the value placed on mothers in our society & how it's represented in advertisements & media. From social media, I glean wisdom from other people's perceptions of their own mothers. By the time the week is over, I'm mentally exhausted & feeling inadequate. It happens every year... Every year I tell myself to "stay calm, take it easy, don't over think motherhood this year", but I do it nonetheless.
Everyone searches for definition, a way to define who they are. Many women identify as wives, mothers, homemakers, by their professions or what they like to do. I've never known quite how to define myself. I'm guilty of drawing comparisons and wanting to be what I see in other women, other mothers. I want to be crafty, creative, artistic, a hostess, an intellect, career woman, gardener, athlete, writer, etc... If someone has been it, I've wanted to also. Even if I haven't wanted it for myself, I've wanted to want it. It seems so silly when I type it out like that but it's true. I've always wanted a path or something to Be. But I feel like teflon tape, nothing sticks. I'd be a tumbleweed if it weren't for my children; and while motherhood doesn't define me, my children are the means by which I define my world.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to matter. Not to be important or revered... but to matter, be of use. The life I lead is a small one. My home is a tiny dot on the face of the planet, a time capsule filled with relics of my existence. Before long it'll be gone and so will I, but if I live a life that matters, what I leave behind will stay. And if nothing sticks to me, maybe something of me will stick...
Everyone searches for definition, a way to define who they are. Many women identify as wives, mothers, homemakers, by their professions or what they like to do. I've never known quite how to define myself. I'm guilty of drawing comparisons and wanting to be what I see in other women, other mothers. I want to be crafty, creative, artistic, a hostess, an intellect, career woman, gardener, athlete, writer, etc... If someone has been it, I've wanted to also. Even if I haven't wanted it for myself, I've wanted to want it. It seems so silly when I type it out like that but it's true. I've always wanted a path or something to Be. But I feel like teflon tape, nothing sticks. I'd be a tumbleweed if it weren't for my children; and while motherhood doesn't define me, my children are the means by which I define my world.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to matter. Not to be important or revered... but to matter, be of use. The life I lead is a small one. My home is a tiny dot on the face of the planet, a time capsule filled with relics of my existence. Before long it'll be gone and so will I, but if I live a life that matters, what I leave behind will stay. And if nothing sticks to me, maybe something of me will stick...
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Duck Duck Sheep
Left: a Duck Dynasty family before the keen idea of a television show.
I woke up Thursday morning and logged onto Facebook to discover, much to my chagrin, that even before I had a chance to investigate the dialogue in the GQ interview with Duck Dynasty's, Phil Robertson, that if I didn't "agree" with what he said then I am un-American, un-patriotic, un-Christian, and holy of all mother un-holy's, a LIBERAL! Needless to say I dove right in and read the entirety of the interview. And low and behold, it turns out that I do in fact take issue with some of his statements. Wouldn't ya know it? I found his seque from the sin of homosexuality to that of bestiality defaming and unnecessary. And by the way, his family's $400 million empire was built on a product who's purpose is to trick ducks into thinking the (human) caller wants to have sex with it. His comments regarding his upbringing in rural Louisiana during the civil rights movement made me cringe a bit. The fact that he saw no evidence of the mistreatment of African Americans at the time could have been tempered with a simple acknowledgment of what MANY of them endured, even though it was out of his line of sight. His remarks seemed to almost discount what history has deemed an irrefutable and shameful time in our nation's not-so distant past, what with the church burnings, lynchings, societal and judicial inequality, and rule by fear tactics. I also sorely dislike his verbiage in matters of his heterosexual preference for all that vaginas have to offer males vs. anus'. But, no matter. Phil can prattle on about anything he wishes to. His right to speak freely is still in tact and hasn't been challenged in any way. For those needing a perfunctory citizenship lesson, our rights are a legal matter, not a social one. How his employer chose to handle future dealings with him is none of my concern.
I'm more concerned by people's fascination, often resembling worship, of these multi-millionaires. Simply because they espouse similar values to the ones held by rural, Southern America doesn't mean that they're heroes or deserving of blind support. The idea that Christians corner the market on morality is asinine. The notion that an anti-gay stance that includes the promotion of inequality under the laws of this country is somehow noble or "non-judgmental" is preposterous. There's no way to sensibly reconcile a position that someone else isn't worthy of the same legal rights and treatment as you are because of their sexuality, AND simultaneously refrain from judgment. "I'm not judging you, I just believe that you shouldn't be the way you are, get married, share benefits, receive hospital privileges or be able to adopt children." No sale. It's a judgment call. Own up to it.
And finally, I have a problem with people who claim to be Christians supporting millionaires. The Biblical view of money seems lost on many believers these days. I challenge anyone to find a single passage in which Jesus so much as mentions same-sex attraction. BUT he has quite a bit to say about money. "It is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven." "Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one's life does not consist in the abundance of possessions."
"Sell your possessions and give alms." "...But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." "...You cannot serve God and wealth." "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them; for all of them have contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on." There are MANY many more. But I quoted only six, which is two shy of the number of times both the OT and NT combined, mention homosexuality.
It isn't unreasonable to create a life of financial prosperity. We all strive for fiscal health, as it lends us more energy for other pleasures. The Robertsons have created an empire. Their net worth is in the neighborhood of $400 million. Half of that is comprised of Duck Dynasty merchandise sold in retails stores like Walmart. I've researched their charitable giving, and from everything I've read, they're not exactly known for it. They often speak and entertain at fundraisers. They show up and ask other people for their money to help support organizations. They are also quite often, well compensated for their appearances, put up in nice hotels and given gifts and promote their own merchandise, books, and their show. And you buy it. You feed the machine. You rally round the millionaires, under the guise of Christian values. And THIS is what offends my senses. I care nothing about the Robertsons. I wish them no ill, but they mean nothing to me. And I cannot for the life of me figure out why millions of people think they're worth throwing down a gauntlet over. A gauntlet that in the end will only mean MORE money for A&E when they bring Phil back, MORE money for the Robertsons, and LESS money for the people who buy into what was likely only a money making ploy to begin with. It's all nonsense. Shameful nonsense perpetuated by people who question a major network without ever questioning themselves or their own judgment.
I suppose this post is harsh... but I can't think of another way to view the ridiculousness I've witnessed the last couple of days. If someone would look up what Jesus said about gays, I'd really appreciate it though.
Friday, September 6, 2013
CANCER: WE ARE AWARE!!
The month of September is 'Childhood Cancer Awareness Month'. Recently, there have been several highly, locally publicized incidences of metastatic cancers affecting children in surrounding counties. Almost all of them have lost the fight. Several of the families of these children have Facebook pages dedicated to the support & progress of the children & their families. Many of them have also had fundraisers sponsored in their honor in order to assist the families with the outrageous costs associated with caring for someone with the disease. Each time I see one of these children in the news feed, or local newspaper, my heart aches & I squeeze my own children's hands a little tighter.
The "War on Cancer" was declared by President Nixon in 1971 upon signing the National Cancer Act, which bolstered the effort to find a cure for cancer via biological research & drug therapy. Forty plus years later, things aren't looking so good. The survival rate has improved, but the occurrence rate has sky rocketed and metastatic cancer is still a killer; although major non-profit research funding organizations would have us believe otherwise. They would have us believe that walking, running, playing hockey, & riding stallions for the cure is actually leading us somewhere. The fundraising has led us to more advanced testing & early detection methods, but that, coupled with the extended life expectancy (of 3 to 6 months) for advanced stage cancer patients, to the tune of $100k - 200k each, hardly explains where/how the annual $2.2 Billion dollars are actually paying off. And the truth is, no one wants to hear the truth. Because the truth is plain, it's ugly, and it's real. It seems more valiant to walk-a-thon, pray-a-thon, and ribbon plaster, than it does to just put down the boxed food & Bic Macs, eat green vegetables, and prevent 70% of cancers & chronic illnesses in the first place. This is no longer speculative information. The cold hard facts are in. One of the foremost nutritional biochemists in the world, Dr. T. Colin Campbell (Cornell University), along with other premier doctors in their fields, have discovered that diets rich in animal fats & proteins, as well as processed food-like products, CAUSE cancer, heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, and a host of other chronic illnesses. Whole food, plant based diets vastly decrease a person's chances of developing those diseases & can even reverse them; as well as other ailments such as reflux, rheumatoid arthritis, gout, acne, allergies, the list goes on... But people are more comfortable believing that a man with a lab coat & a bag of nuclear poison aimed at your veins, is somehow your saving grace. We've been bred to believe that medicine is the answer. That doctors practice wellness, when in actuality, they practice sickness. Billions of dollars are spent, and billions made in the treatment of chronic illnesses and cancers. There is no money in a cure. Drug companies & Research Organizations can't fund their private jets & Miami condos on wellness. There's no money in prevention. If you've made it this far in life & have yet to make the connection between your health & what you feed your body, there's likely no help for you. You'll spend your days playing patient-for doctors & hospitals. It's easier to over-eat a diet of sodium, refined sugar, & chemical laden food-like garbage, & ask a doctor for some more pills, than it is to re-think what you've always thought, eat some spinach & take responsibility for your food choices.
It's easier to tell a child's family that you'll paint your nails Gold, put up a ribbon, & give $10 along with a card declaring your family's prayers as well a sweet note that "All things happen for a reason & God has a plan for this child, we just don't know what it is." That's a cop out. And it pisses me off. The ole "I'll pray for you, God has a plan" bit is played out. It's the easiest way off the hook. It's a way to scapegoat the fact that we're poisoning our children. And maybe, just maybe, God's plan doesn't include killing children slowly while filling their bodies with medical napalm. Perhaps, God's wisdom & mercy is greater than that. Maybe childhood cancer is a call to re-evaluate our environment & the factors that contribute to the vast number of metastatic cancer occurrences in our babies. For every child that suffers, our resolve should be THAT much greater to guard the safety & wellness of the little bodies of the children we're called to care for. We should be angry with ourselves for allowing it to have gotten THIS bad, THIS big, THIS devastating!
Many years ago (around 1938 to be exact) a German born Jewish doctor by the name of Max Gerson, cured many chronic illnesses including migraines, tuberculosis, heart disease, and eventually cancer, using his nutritional therapies. He cured Nobel Prize winner, Albert Schweitzer's wife of lung tuberculosis & the two (Gerson & Schweitzer) remained friends for life. After Gerson's immigration to the US during the Holocaust, he performed a study of 50 cases using his healing therapies on cancer patients who were given up to die when standard treatments failed. He was thought by the medical community to be "radical" for his idea that diet could affect health. But like most all radicals before him (i.e. Nichola Tesla) it has come to light that he wasn't so 'radical' after all. But again, no one (except the patient) benefits from nutritional therapy, except maybe organic farmers. Big Food, Big Pharma, Big Insurance won't reap the benefits of our over indulgence in poisoned foods, which will propel our need for medicines to ease our misery, & thus bolster our needs for insurances that help pay to keep us alive & then bury us when the medicines stop working.
Gerson was snubbed, and eventually snuffed out. He was poisoned & died in 1959. Dr. Schweitzer eulogized him by saying "…I see in him one of the most eminent geniuses in the history of medicine. Many of his basic ideas have been adopted without having his name connected with them. Yet, he has achieved more than seemed possible under adverse conditions. He leaves a legacy which commands attention and which will assure him his due place. Those whom he has cured will now attest to the truth of his ideas.”
While the only legal cancer treatments in the United States are surgery, Chemotherapy & Radiation treatments, The Gerson Institute in San Diego, CA can provide infinite amounts of information about his healing therapies & where/how to obtain them. His daughter, Charlotte continues his work & is his longest surviving patient - as he cured her of cancer at the age of 12.
You don't have to believe in Gerson the way that I do. You don't have to believe that a cure for cancer is as simple as real food. But you owe it to yourself & every family who suffers alongside their loved ones to re-think what 'Cancer Awareness' really means. It's more than a ribbon, nail polish, & a long night spent walking a track. Being truly aware means being truly awake; Wide eyed to the possibility that things are not always as they seem. And the next time you tell a child with cancer that you'll pray for them, back up that prayer with a little research and accountability for the fact that we ALL contribute to the disasters that cause the devastation of cancer. Every time we forge headlong into gimmicks, quick fixes, and pretty packaging, we distance ourselves that much more from the truth. Simplicity is God's language. It's a wonder we don't speak it better.
The "War on Cancer" was declared by President Nixon in 1971 upon signing the National Cancer Act, which bolstered the effort to find a cure for cancer via biological research & drug therapy. Forty plus years later, things aren't looking so good. The survival rate has improved, but the occurrence rate has sky rocketed and metastatic cancer is still a killer; although major non-profit research funding organizations would have us believe otherwise. They would have us believe that walking, running, playing hockey, & riding stallions for the cure is actually leading us somewhere. The fundraising has led us to more advanced testing & early detection methods, but that, coupled with the extended life expectancy (of 3 to 6 months) for advanced stage cancer patients, to the tune of $100k - 200k each, hardly explains where/how the annual $2.2 Billion dollars are actually paying off. And the truth is, no one wants to hear the truth. Because the truth is plain, it's ugly, and it's real. It seems more valiant to walk-a-thon, pray-a-thon, and ribbon plaster, than it does to just put down the boxed food & Bic Macs, eat green vegetables, and prevent 70% of cancers & chronic illnesses in the first place. This is no longer speculative information. The cold hard facts are in. One of the foremost nutritional biochemists in the world, Dr. T. Colin Campbell (Cornell University), along with other premier doctors in their fields, have discovered that diets rich in animal fats & proteins, as well as processed food-like products, CAUSE cancer, heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, and a host of other chronic illnesses. Whole food, plant based diets vastly decrease a person's chances of developing those diseases & can even reverse them; as well as other ailments such as reflux, rheumatoid arthritis, gout, acne, allergies, the list goes on... But people are more comfortable believing that a man with a lab coat & a bag of nuclear poison aimed at your veins, is somehow your saving grace. We've been bred to believe that medicine is the answer. That doctors practice wellness, when in actuality, they practice sickness. Billions of dollars are spent, and billions made in the treatment of chronic illnesses and cancers. There is no money in a cure. Drug companies & Research Organizations can't fund their private jets & Miami condos on wellness. There's no money in prevention. If you've made it this far in life & have yet to make the connection between your health & what you feed your body, there's likely no help for you. You'll spend your days playing patient-for doctors & hospitals. It's easier to over-eat a diet of sodium, refined sugar, & chemical laden food-like garbage, & ask a doctor for some more pills, than it is to re-think what you've always thought, eat some spinach & take responsibility for your food choices.
It's easier to tell a child's family that you'll paint your nails Gold, put up a ribbon, & give $10 along with a card declaring your family's prayers as well a sweet note that "All things happen for a reason & God has a plan for this child, we just don't know what it is." That's a cop out. And it pisses me off. The ole "I'll pray for you, God has a plan" bit is played out. It's the easiest way off the hook. It's a way to scapegoat the fact that we're poisoning our children. And maybe, just maybe, God's plan doesn't include killing children slowly while filling their bodies with medical napalm. Perhaps, God's wisdom & mercy is greater than that. Maybe childhood cancer is a call to re-evaluate our environment & the factors that contribute to the vast number of metastatic cancer occurrences in our babies. For every child that suffers, our resolve should be THAT much greater to guard the safety & wellness of the little bodies of the children we're called to care for. We should be angry with ourselves for allowing it to have gotten THIS bad, THIS big, THIS devastating!
Many years ago (around 1938 to be exact) a German born Jewish doctor by the name of Max Gerson, cured many chronic illnesses including migraines, tuberculosis, heart disease, and eventually cancer, using his nutritional therapies. He cured Nobel Prize winner, Albert Schweitzer's wife of lung tuberculosis & the two (Gerson & Schweitzer) remained friends for life. After Gerson's immigration to the US during the Holocaust, he performed a study of 50 cases using his healing therapies on cancer patients who were given up to die when standard treatments failed. He was thought by the medical community to be "radical" for his idea that diet could affect health. But like most all radicals before him (i.e. Nichola Tesla) it has come to light that he wasn't so 'radical' after all. But again, no one (except the patient) benefits from nutritional therapy, except maybe organic farmers. Big Food, Big Pharma, Big Insurance won't reap the benefits of our over indulgence in poisoned foods, which will propel our need for medicines to ease our misery, & thus bolster our needs for insurances that help pay to keep us alive & then bury us when the medicines stop working.
Gerson was snubbed, and eventually snuffed out. He was poisoned & died in 1959. Dr. Schweitzer eulogized him by saying "…I see in him one of the most eminent geniuses in the history of medicine. Many of his basic ideas have been adopted without having his name connected with them. Yet, he has achieved more than seemed possible under adverse conditions. He leaves a legacy which commands attention and which will assure him his due place. Those whom he has cured will now attest to the truth of his ideas.”
While the only legal cancer treatments in the United States are surgery, Chemotherapy & Radiation treatments, The Gerson Institute in San Diego, CA can provide infinite amounts of information about his healing therapies & where/how to obtain them. His daughter, Charlotte continues his work & is his longest surviving patient - as he cured her of cancer at the age of 12.
You don't have to believe in Gerson the way that I do. You don't have to believe that a cure for cancer is as simple as real food. But you owe it to yourself & every family who suffers alongside their loved ones to re-think what 'Cancer Awareness' really means. It's more than a ribbon, nail polish, & a long night spent walking a track. Being truly aware means being truly awake; Wide eyed to the possibility that things are not always as they seem. And the next time you tell a child with cancer that you'll pray for them, back up that prayer with a little research and accountability for the fact that we ALL contribute to the disasters that cause the devastation of cancer. Every time we forge headlong into gimmicks, quick fixes, and pretty packaging, we distance ourselves that much more from the truth. Simplicity is God's language. It's a wonder we don't speak it better.
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