Lesson Learned and a Pie in the Face!

Many moons ago I joined a group called Freecycle. The idea behind this online community is that "one man's trash is another's treasure" and so on and so forth. If you have something you probably want or need to throw away, list it and see if anyone in your freecycle community can come pick it up and use it. That way things like old furniture, computer monitors, vacuum cleaners, dining chairs, etc... don't wind up in landfills. Great concept right? So, I joined and have always secretly hoped for a fantastic set of book ends. But that's neither here nor there.

A few months ago the emails sent out through the freecycling group in my community got to be a bit extravagant in regard to requests for luxury items. Instead of people offering things, aside from the occasional kitten (because apparently the world needs more cats) people started begging for all sorts of things. One woman asked for a GPS, a window unit A/C, a laptop and some living room furniture. Not long after that another lady wanted a laptop and a car. Being the "set 'em straight and tell it like it is" bandit that I fancy myself to be, I decided to put a stop to it by sending a snarky email to the group telling them where they might find a map, access to a computer and a Goodwill. This of course prompted several other members of the group to jump on my bandwagon and send their own "hell yeah", "that's telling 'em" emails. Then... there were a couple of members (mainly the ones who asked for all the free shit) that didn't really like my approach. They thought I should quit being so judgemental because "you never know why someone is asking for the things they do or what kind of things go on in their life that make them ask for stuff". Several weeks passed and the "gimme" emails decreased significanly. YES!!! Errp... Not so fast... Before long we had more requests or rather, demands for things like bedroom furniture and a DSI with games and a charger and carrying case, "that are in good condition & not messed up". So! I sent another snipey email prompting yet another uproar from the group. And of course a few snippety reactions from the beggars. A few days later the moderator says enough, and life goes back to normal and the beggars return to begging and sure enough, another email goes out, only this time the woman wants living room furniture and toys for her daughter. I decided to get off my hump and go through my daughter's toys. I contacted the beggar the next day letting her know that I had several unopened dolls, Barbie doll houses and other toys in excellent condition and that I'd be happy to meet her to give them to her. She says ok and from that point on it was like wrestling an alligator to get her to confirm a time and place to meet. The next day I loaded up the back seat of my car with all of the toys I'd gathered and prepared to meet the woman we'll dub as "Carol". Carol called me 10 minutes before we were supposed to meet and says she's still at her doctor's appointment and can't make it. I suggested we meet at another time and again, we stall... I finally tell her that I can meet her at our designated spot the following day at 1:00 pm sharp. I arrive the next day a few minutes early. After waiting for twenty minutes I finally sent her a text asking if she still wanted the toys. She responded and said she was on her way. I waited an additional 25 minutes before giving up and telling her I couldn't wait any longer. I had many errands to run that day and had waited for over 45 minutes. A while later she started bombarding me with texts saying that her daughter was crying because she wanted the toys and that I needed to come back. I told her I was sorry but that I couldn't return because I had other obligations that day. She continued to try and lay the blame at my feet without a single apology for being late. Carol was ungrateful but still I considered setting another time to meet with her... But I thought better of it and just cancelled my freecylce membership. 

I suppose in the end, I got what I deserved. I decided to be the gun wielding sheriff of freecycle and wound up with a pie in my face. Sometimes it's better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and tell everyone you're a giant shit eating dumbass. I thought I could reason with and talk sense to people who have no sense. I thought I knew best and could set them straight. But my arrogance just got my blood pressure elavated and my Blackberry dinging! I didn't need the hassle or the drama of what I created and I sure as hell didn't need the guilt trip to Giver's World where Carol was a no-show!

My daddy always said "You can't REhabilitate someone who's never been habilitated to begin with." Wise words Don. Maybe next time before I open my big mouth (or email) I'll remember that.

But don't forget to Recycle!

Who Do You Love?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about self esteem and what it actually means. It's the so-called love you have for yourself. But it's always been a blurry, grayish area for me. I believe in self love, absolutely. But I also know far too many people who suffer from high self esteem as opposed to the low. There must be a way to love yourself without being a self centered, ego maniacal douche bag who can only talk about how much better they are than everyone else around them. My own confidence took quite a hit when I couldn't run without excruciating pain and then found out I had stress fractures and had to stop running for a while. I felt like a failure... Like perhaps I should have tried harder to run through the pain and that I was using it as an excuse not to accomplish my goals. Sometimes it's hard to remember why I started all of this to begin with. I remember that it was for me, but aside from that I just don't know. I've gotten support from my husband who's always there to help me. He provides a lot of physical support (i.e. rides along beside me, gives me water, cold towels, times me, gives me distance readings, provides motivational support when I'm tired and want to quit) but he doesn't jump up and shout how great I am when I'm done. My parents and friends find my running interesting and will say "good for you" or "better you than me" but for the most part, don't really care. And honestly, why should they? This is MY dream, my goal, my legs.... So this leaves me wondering, when you don't have the verbal affirmations and support from people on your journey, is actually reaching the destination pointless because no one will care when you arrive except for you??? Or is this where self esteem plays it's role and you give yourself all of the support and congratulations you could ever want or need?

Most of the running blogs that I read are written by people who are either true athletes or are trying to lose weight. They chart progress, pounds, miles, days, diets, etc... The more athletic people write about their greater fitness goals, doing triathalons every day, mountain biking, trail hiking, surfing, running 40 miles a day, blah blah blah. I have nothing in common with any of those people. I don't diet, I don't need to lose a lot of weight (a few vanity pounds would be nice) and I'm never going to be an extreme athlete. I haven't joined any running support groups, I don't really chart my progress by any measurable standards and aside from a brief mention here and there, no one really knows how my running is going on a day-to-day basis. I don't have a niche or really fit in anywhere (long suffering problem of mine anyway) and so I feel "out in the cold" so to speak, in the running world. I am solely responsible for picking my own ass up and carrying it another ten feet when I feel like I can't go another step. It's me that makes me run. I have no audience, no followers, no crowd, no applause from anyone. So I guess running really is what I set out for it to be huh? For me. And while I definitely feel the solitude and a little bit of loneliness from time to time, it's kind of nice to know that it really is just about me. From what I can gather about self esteem, it doesn't really count if you're comparing yourself to people anyway. You can always look at someone and feel inferior; that's low self esteem. And you can look at someone else and feel like you're better; that's vanity. Loving yourself means not only loving who you see in the mirror, but mirroring that love back to those you might otherwise compare yourself with.

This truly is the journey of a lifetime.