The Right to be a Dumb Ass

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joxny3rco_4

Above is the link to remarks made on Sunday, by Rep. Todd Akin of Missouri. If I said his words "upset me" that would be a vast understatement. I've been devastated by his remarks, not only because they are callous and thoughtless but because he is not alone in his thinking. He and other dirt bags who claim to care about human life take their ques from Dr. John C. Wilke, who first articulated a point of view similar to this, in a book in 1985 and again in 99'. He says that because being raped is a "stressful event" (no shit!), that a woman's tubes are spastic thus sperm is less likely to fertilize an egg. Of course ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology) and the CDC heartily disagree and assert that there is NO science to back up this claim, and that in fact there are approximately 32,000 pregnancies resulting from reported rapes each year. Morons like Bryan Fisher, director of issue analysis at American Family Association (one of those darling organizations that Chick-fil-A gives money to) defended Akin on his program "Focal Point" by citing Dr. Wilke. People from Missouri now have a "right to pray" which allows students to opt out of classes and assignments that violate their religious beliefs. But being able to deny a century and a half of scientific data because you think God POOFED the world into existence, instead of putting actual thought into it, which man uncovers via scientific exploration, is NO excuse for perpetuating bogus information created and spewed by one senile ass hole with an agenda. 

I'm too tired to mince words and pretend I give a damn about who reads this. Politics is a spin. It's all about finding catch phrases and spinning them out over and over and over again. It's the arena where brilliant statements like "wealth will trickle down" and "we'll put the money in a lock box" are born. It's the place where Pro-Lifers go to shove shit they know nothing about, down the throats of the public at large. It satisfies their morally superior thirst for grandiose. It gives Congressman, Todd Akin a platform for spewing "Magic Vagina Tales"! But I want Todd Akin to go sit down next to the 10 year old girl in Texas who is pregnant with her father's child, and explain to her why after only a decade on this planet, he wants her body to absorb the trauma of childbearing and the birth of her own father's baby. I want him to tell her why she HAS TO HAVE A BABY. I want him to visit with a boy who is caught in the middle of a vicious custody battle between his mother, who decided to keep him, and his father, a stranger, who raped his mother 6 years ago. Explain to that child and to his mother why family laws cover the rights of violent rapists and allow them access to these children in EVERY SINGLE STATE IN OUR NATION. 

I want someone to explain to me what in the Hell Todd Akin meant by "legitimate rape"??? I've heard it said that he was differentiating between actual rape and false claims of rape. Well, he wasn't asked about false claims. He was asked about abortions in instances of rape. I've heard people say that legitimate rape is the same as forcible rape (which as defined by the FBI, is anything but statutory. It includes intimidation and coercion - which accounts for more than half of all rapes). Unfortunately, a lot of people think that forcible rape is where a woman is beaten and physically forced. People tend to believe that if you're not viciously attacked in your home by a masked stranger and beaten nearly to death, that it's not actual rape. They blame victims for "putting themselves in a bad situation". In the not so distant past, many rapists weren't brought to trial on the basis that their victims weren't virgins. Because everyone knows that once a woman decides she wants to have sex with someone, her right to decide WHO-with, goes out the fucking window! Well I have news for you... I wasn't viciously attacked. I was coerced and threatened. And after it was over, I was tormented by the scum who did it as well as his friends, for months afterwards. I was followed, harassed, nearly run over, taunted, and threatened. I attempted suicide, twice. And then three years later I was assaulted AGAIN by a different man, but I was lucky and managed to persuade him to let me use the bathroom, and I was able to get away. So, Mr. Akin, were these legitimate attacks? Was I legitimately violated??? Were the 17 years of mental torment and desperation I suffered enough??? Would it have been better if I had been ovulating when I was raped so that I could have known the "blessing" of growing a seed of contempt and anguish? Would that have made it "legitimate"? 

As with most incidences of rape, neither of the perpetrators who violated me were ever charged and they have never done a moment of jail time for their crimes. I've done enough time for both of them I guess. And as far as sexual assault penalties go, 17 years is more time than they would have gotten if their sentences were combined anyway. 

One last thought and I'll retreat...
For weeks, good Christian folks came out of the woodwork to support the chicken chain whose head honcho hands money over to organizations that support the very men who are proponents of repugnant legislation that would allow rapists to sue their victims if they try to have an abortion and bills that would strip away a mother's right to live if her fetus were killing her. I saw nothing on Facebook for weeks except how Christian people were coming together to eat some chicken so that they could feel empowered in their struggle to preserve Biblical marriage (whatever the hell that means). But since Akin's comments on Sunday, not ONE chicken eater on my FB page has spoken out against Akin or his horrific comments. In fact, the only people who have mentioned it are myself, a fellow survivor of rape and a... GAY MAN!!! I find it absolutely fascinating that a homosexual whose rights the good chicken eaters try to supress, is the only other person who speaks out against Akin's remarks and exemplifies an ounce of compassion for women and victims of rape. That's very telling.

These last three days have shaken me and they've shaken my faith... in people that is. But I've gotta let it go. I can't fight you people. You Todd Akin's. I can't fight you all the time. I can't convince you and I can't change you. But I can move on from you. I can leave you behind me... Thank GOD.

Women AKA: Satan

Romney's recent pick of Vice Presidential candidate, Paul Ryan, inspired me to look into his choice for VP. I'm personally pretty liberal... But in terms of politics, I like the gov't outta my pocket so I'm often inclined to vote conservatively if the financial proposals make sense. After taking an in depth look at Ryan's budget and fiscal reform proposals, I have to admit that his "cuts" are pretty scary. But I will concede that something, ANYTHING has to be done before the whole system goes up in smoke. And while his plan isn't my ideal, in some ways it's better than the Democrat's "let's just spend until China calls USA home" plan. Unfortunately, while taking a look at Congressman Ryan's budget proposal, I also happened upon quite a bit of information about his plan for women...

I'd heard several times that Ryan voted against the Lily Ledbetter fair pay act (which gives women equal pay for doing the same job as men). But I try to take these "votes" with a grain of salt, because there are often other factors and proposals being considered in these bills. We're not always privy to the contents of these proposals - and so I try to reserve judgment for when I have more facts. I'm sorry to say, I have more facts. Aside from the FACT that Ryan's proposed cuts to SS, Medicare and Medicaid disproportionately affect women in this country; Congressman Ryan wants to ban abortions, even in cases of rape and incest. He voted FOR the Protect Life Act: It gives hospitals far reaching power to deny women abortion care without any exceptions for emergency situations such as cancer, heart attack, stroke, etc... Ryan proposed giving legal rights to fetuses starting at the moment of conception - ultimately outlawing abortion. He wants to de-fund Planned Parenthood and outlaw some forms of contraception.

I recognize that to people who wish to legislate morality, this seems more than fair. But let's start by looking at what de-funding Planned Parenthood would do. It would eliminate this country's largest provider of reproductive health services. (Of all of it's provisions, abortions account for only 3%. Contraception accounts for 35% of it's total services.) De-funding PPFA would eliminate health services to over 3 million people, 75% of which have incomes at or below 150% of the Federal poverty level. Ryan's proposal would eliminate services such as contraceptives, emergency contraceptives, screening for breast, cervical and testicular cancers; pregnancy testing; pregnancy options counseling; testing and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases; sex education; menopause treatments; vasectomies and tubal ligations. After cutting funding for health care access, let's make it even more difficult for women to pay for cancer screenings and treatment for reproductive related diseases (which is ultimately what we're talking about when we discuss the disproportionate effects of cuts to Medicare and Medicaid that would on average, create a $6k per person, out of pocket increase).

Ok... Let's recap: We've banned abortion; gotten rid of the nation's largest reproductive health services provider; outlawed certain forms of contraception; raised out-of-pocket medical costs for seniors and people on Medicaid (50% of whose recipients are in nursing homes); given rights to fetuses; and now we're going to cut food stamps by 18%. SO - when the people who turned to PPFA for contraceptive services get pregnant, we know they can't have an abortion and if they're poverty stricken, we'll cut their food stamp benefits and funding for medical services.

Before I'm accused of being a "Bleeding Heart Liberal" I'd like to clarify that I'm angry at the injustices in our social programs as well. I see abuses to our system every single day. These social programs need reform and tighter restrictions to help eliminate fraud. They need more case workers and updated technology for handling their case loads. However, these programs DO benefit people who are truly needy in our communities. They are our nation's way of saying we care about our fellow citizens who have fallen on hard times and need a helping hand. They're not an extension of goodwill that we can then Lord over the impoverished and elderly in an attempt to treat them like 3rd class citizens.

While I've focused a great deal of this post on Congressman Ryan, he himself is not my intended target. It is the ideal that he represents. We're all familiar enough with nature's design to understand that female homosapiens are the ones who become impregnated, incubate and give birth to our species. But after that, I'm unsure what some people believe we're responsible for. There has been no lack of controversy surrounding women's reproductive rights for decades. After being allowed to attend public universities, hold jobs and vote, we wanted the ability to decide whether or not to have children too - and apparently that stirred up quite the shit storm, because after 40 years, we're STILL debating this!! But from the social conservative, fundamentalist standpoint, I want to make certain that I have this right, so bare with me while I attempt to unfold my responsibilities as an American woman from girlhood to adulthood and punctuate it with attitude about males:
As a young girl, I am expected to exude femininity, to be lady like and dignified and quiet in church (which I attend regularly). If I play sports, I must play gender specific sports like softball and volleyball (because no boy will be attracted to a girl who is more athletic than he is). I am expected to dress in a way that lets you know I'm feminine without being overtly so. I am to make good grades, learn to keep house and cook, and have an innate desire to reproduce. I MUST guard my virginity at all costs and understand that a male's sexual advances are only an attempt to steer me away from my true calling as a virgin bride to my soul mate (and boys will be boys, and boys like sex, and it's their right to seek it from anyone anytime, because that's how they're designed - but if he manages to get vaginal or oral sex from a girl then he'll know that she's not virtuous enough to marry, and WHEW! thank God he found that out early!) I should never be in a situation or a form of dress that would lend me a victim to a sexual assault. Rape is a crime and it's terrible, but if you dress like a slut then you're asking for it, and there's nothing we can do about that. Humm-dee-dum. After escaping high school with my hymen in tact, I should attend a college or university and prepare for a career in my chosen field of interest. If I manage to make it through college without bumping into my soul mate, I'll need that degree to land a job to support myself until Mr. Right comes along  *insert girlish giggle here*. At which point I'll surrender all of my goals in order to become his blushing bride. I'll be so excited and nervous about this wonderful world of Biblically sanctioned sex we'll be having. Whether I like it or not is irrelevant. As my husband's new help mate and side (rib) kick, it's my job to give it up in any hole he chooses whenever the mood strikes him (and ha-ha-ha! we all know that the "mood" strikes a man a lot! *wink*) If we're blessed by God and I'm not equipped with any defects, we'll start a family soon. I wont need contraception, because preventing births is the same as killing fetuses *sniffle snort* I'll then surrender all of my childbearing years to having and raising as many children as the Lord sees fit to give us. And if I'm dedicated, I'll raise them up well, maintain my fitness (because no man wants to come home to a haggard, flabby Mrs.) keep a clean home, make a great meal and keep that man o' mine stimulated! (all while keeping my big fat trap shut, because no man wants to hear a bitch complain. SHEESH!!) Now, it will be essential that all of our girls be raised in the same fashion. They must be virtuous, feminine, goal oriented virgins, Hell bent on only giving it up to one man - their husbands. Our little boys will be nurtured in a way that gives them pride in their masculinity. They'll have goals and dreams, play sports and try to plug any vagina they can get close to. If they happen to fall into a few loose women, no biggie, there are virgin brides out there somewhere waiting to be Mrs. Help Mate. And they'll, say it with me... "Live Happily Ever After" 

If I live my life in just this fashion, it would eliminate any issues I might have with Congressman Ryan and the entire Religious Right's desires to catapult women back to 1955. 

There are so many things wrong with our government, the least of which is SS, Medicare, Medicaid, Welfare and Planned Parenthood. Our problem is lobbyists, special interests, corporate influence, the extremely wealthy (including these enormous corporations) continuing to receive tax cuts while our children, elderly and most impoverished Americans continue to take the spending cuts; bleeding dry the turnip that is the American worker all the while, forcing us into these budget cut programs. It's insane to give a corporate chain restaurant a tax break in order to lure them into a city (under the guise of job creation) and then tax the devil out of the private restaurant owner (who also employs people). THIS example is the road map to the heart of the problems we face as a nation.  Just like "redistribution of wealth" is bullshit, so is the "trickle down effect"! It doesn't exist. Rich people getting richer doesn't help people become less poor anymore than pumping money into the hands of people who have no desire to earn it, helps them to become productive citizens. But fixing these problems requires that we back away from judgments about people's personal lives and focus on the facts. And that is seldom a popular answer.

 And at the end of the day, what matters is our compassion and the love we have for our fellow citizens. My guess is, if God's really judging our nation, that's what he's looking at - and man are we doing a shitty job!

Are we literal yet?

• An example of one of the Biblical definitions of marriage - Deuteronomy 22:28-29 says that if you rape me and I'm engaged, then you get stoned (b/c obviously my man might still agree to marry me even though I'm ruint). BUT if I'm NOT engaged when you rape me then I have to marry you & you have to pay my daddy some money. Unless of course my daddy finds a different way to provide for me, then according to Exodus 22:16-17, I don't have to marry you. Whew!!! (so glad there's a loop hole there) 

  Holy jumping Jesus I'm glad all of our laws aren't Biblically based!! I don't think my own daddy would have sold me out, but if he couldn't afford to keep me then I might be married to a really short pilot right now - and raising his babies... Lets get literal y'all!!! Yeeehaw!

  I could do this all day, but the above scripture references were far and away my favorites. I like how there are some things (especially from the Old Testament) that we're supposed to look upon with great consideration given to the time period and context upon which it was written. Of course women today can make a living for themselves and don't need a husband to provide for them, so obviously it wouldn't be socially relevant or even necessary for women to marry their rapists.

  Then there are things we're supposed to take quite literally, like the very few passages remarking on homosexuality (a word that didn't even exist then). We're supposed to believe that loving relationships between two committed same-sex partners is the same as the forced sodomy committed against young boys that Paul was referencing in a majority of his scornful passages. (It's true, look it up!)

  Fundamentalists believe that the mass cultural (what they see as a breakdown) shift in our value system is due to the break up of the family, and maybe it is. But not for the reasons they think. Divorce and feminism they feel, have set us up for national failure. In Ephesians 5: 23-32 it says plainly that the husband is the head of the wife, and like the church submits to Christ, we ladies must respect and obey our husbands. And if more of us did that and left all the leadership stuff up to the men, then things would be juuuust fine, like they were in the 50's - when men could still beat their wives half to death and spent nary a night in jail for it. Back when things were good, silence about rape and incest were the best way to handle those sorts of things. Looking the other way when (some) men abused and tortured their wives and children is how we kept the status quo... But then women began to demand equal rights and look where that got us. We started earning degrees, working full time and supporting ourselves. The next thing you know, we're no longer listening to you, we're filing for divorce, and we're voting too!! And some simple minded, Biblical brained, short sighted barbarians, are still under the impression that where this country went wrong, began when women stopped submitting to their husbands. I counter that and suggest that where we went wrong was in asking women to lock-step behind some men who weren't worthy of being followed in the first place.

  I'd follow my own husband into Hell if he asked me to, simply because I know he'd have a damn good reason for asking it of me, and would only ask if he believed he could lead me safely through to the other side. I suppose it's all about who's reading what and what they're reading into things. But when I see: "As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the Church. He gave up his life for her to make her whole and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife." I don't find that I am bound by God to follow any man's word as though it were God's, or that I am to obey what my husband commands because he holds a higher authority than I do. I read from Ephesians and I think, God made men strong, brave and filled with the desire to provide for and protect his own family. He gave them sound logic and the confidence to stack reason onto good judgment. God made women gentle, kind and filled with the desire to nurture her family. He made her loving and emotional and able to tend the needs of the heart. In this, I see that God created us as a balance for one another. Should we choose to marry, I am to set aside my emotions and trust my husband that he will lead us according to God's will. Likewise, he will set aside logic and listen to my heart, trust that my emotions are genuine, that I will protect his heart (their hearts are fragile, you know?) and he will love me for it, the same as he loves himself. And just as my husband trusts that I would go to the ends of the Earth for him, I trust that he will only ask of me what he believes in his soul, will keep me safe and coming home to him. And as sad as it is, not all men inspire that kind of trust. But they should... Because that's how God designed them. He might not have made women as strong as men on the outside, but he made us mightily brave on the inside. 

  So if when you look around you, you don't see people living up to what the Bible says, ask then "What makes them defy it?" Perhaps Christians aren't being "persecuted" after all. Maybe... Just maybe, they're not living up to God's design for them. And if they did, the changes we wished to see, would surely come.

  If we all partnered with trust, extending it and deserving of it, I can only imagine what good would come of it. So let's leave judgment to our God, and worry more about living up to our design. 

  
  

  
  

Who Put the "Gay" in Chick-fil-A?

As with all things swarming in the media, I have to comment on the recent anti-gay and Chick-fil-A controversy. First let me say that I love their chicken! I love their buns, pickles, waffle fries; I even love their chicken wraps! I have always had a pleasant, sometimes even bordering on delightful, experience at each restaurant I've visited in the last 20+ years. I would never accuse the company of not knowing how to run it's businesses.


 In today's fiery arena of public politics, it's easy to get caught up in the dramatics of choosing sides. Everyone wants to be right, and in an effort to be more right, we'll hear all manner of argument, including name-calling. My favorites are: bleeding heart liberal and right wing nut-job; neither of which accurately or fairly describes any point of view. 


You don't need me to rehash the details of the controversy. We all know that Chick-fil-A has come under fire by Gay/Lesbian equality activists and the media, for their stance on same-sex marriage. Quite honestly, things were running smoothly until Cathy, President of Chick-fil-A, decided to make his feelings on the subject of gay marriage, known in an interview with the Baptist Press. Now that we all know a bit more about this company, it's been hard, for me, to overlook a few things. Obviously, I firmly support all of my LGBT brothers and sisters in their fight for equal rights under the law. But I could care less about what the president of Chick-fil-A thinks about it. Where I take issue is with their WinShape Foundation that donates millions of dollars to organizations I'd rather set on fire than give money to. I have a problem with any company that uses it's profits to promote an agenda, especially if I've contributed to their bottom line. I'm not saying that because someone owns a business, that they're not still entitled to hold firmly to their beliefs and vote accordingly. What I am saying, is that when you own a multi-billion dollar corporation, it's wise to expect that people will not only disagree with your perspective but also take issue with you taking the money they, as consumers spend with you, and handing it over to classified "hate groups". 


We all have the right to decide what "family" means to us. The Cathy's have decided that only heterosexual people should be allowed to be part of a family - and if that makes them happy, then so be it... But I, as a long time Chick-fil-A patron, have a right to disagree and decide that I no longer wish to support The Marriage and Family Legacy Fund, The Family Research Counsel, The National Christian Foundation and least of all, Focus on the Family and Exodus International. At first glance, they simply appear to be Christian focus groups that promote a peaceful, Biblical agenda. But some of these groups are classified as hate groups and anti-gay organizations by the Southern Poverty Law Center. Unfortunately, some of these organizations are responsible for mass bullying of gays, especially gay children. And if having a gut churning dislike for that makes me a "bleeding heart liberal', then that's what I'll be. The "Day of Dialogue" was started by Focus on the Family to provide support for Christian students who wanted to voice to their peers that homosexuality was wrong. They believe that our schools are an appropriate place for heterosexual students to inform homosexual students that, according to God, the gays are going to HELL. 

If not now, then when would be a good time for me to let you (theoretical you) know that you're going to Hell for being a fat glutton who gossips too much? Can we set aside some time to chastise people with tattoos? Should we have students be on the look out for other kids who are wearing blended fabrics? Isn't school the perfect place for kids to go and be ridiculed and told they're going to burn in Hell???


Once again, let me say that my issue is not with the principles upon which Chick-fil-A was founded. I do NOT care that Mr. Cathy doesn't want gays to marry. I care about how he spends the money that I help to contribute to his company's profits. When possible, I like to make my purchases guilt free. I wouldn't do business with someone if I knew they beat their spouse or held KKK meetings. I want to do business with companies that understand that their values aren't necessarily representative of everyone else's, and thereby use their profits in an all-inclusive ministry, not an exclusive one. 

Love & Marriage, Sex & a Carriage

I'm overcome with gratitude for a man named Ross today. Ross was a friend to and of my parents when I was a young child. He attended parties at our home and came for several holiday meals. I met him when I was 3 and remember that he was tall, kind, smiling and in possession of a most impressive mustache. He was the first gay person I ever knew. And today I am overwhelmed with memories of Ross and feelings of love and admiration for my parents for never force feeding me dogma; as I understand it to be very bitter.

In an apparent newsworthy fashion, our current President, Barack Obama, announced that he supports gay marriage - making him our very first President to openly take that stance. The fact that it comes on the heels of North Carolina voters confirming by majority that they want to limit the Constitutional definition of marriage to that of a man and woman, makes his declaration, too wittle too wate. But nonetheless, it is a markedly historic  position for our nation's leader to take and so I will, as I have during the reign of his entire administration, take it in stride.


If I have never been blatantly clear about my stance on this issue, let me say now that I support gay marriage 100 percent. If I have never been clear about my stance as a Christian, let me say now also that I am 100 percent Christian. I am not religious. I am not Republican. I am not a Democrat and I am not sitting around with my thumb up my ass waiting for someone to tell me what to think. It took me years to syphon through the gads of information available on this topic. I haven't yet reached the bottom of the pile but I finally made it to a comfortable resting place, whew!!! For years I tried not to identify myself as a Christian because the modern day fundamentalists give it a backward, bigoted, backwoods feel and I'm not comfortable swallowing swamp water. But one day, on my own, right by myself, I talked to God and his son and he delivered me brand new. It has been with renewed faith and conviction that I can proudly say, I am a Christian because Jesus loves me and I finally learned to accept it. Not because I congregate or segregate, discriminate or any other "ate".


I am still learning from the Bible. I am still learning from Walt Whitman, who said to "...re-examine all you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul." If there is anything I have learned from the Bible, it's that it's confusing, contradictory, bizarre and in many ways, beautiful. People do an awful lot of picking and pecking from it, deciding and deciphering what they like and will use; and so I decided that I could do the same. "Context and translation" are popular words people use when they want to cut their hair or tattoo themselves, drink alcohol or party until all hours of the night. But somehow scripture becomes finite when Paul says something about homosexual or deviant sexual acts. (Paul, is the ONLY one that ever utters a word about "homosexuality" - which by the way, has no Latin translation because Roman sexuality was only described as dominant or submissive.) Roman Imperials were well known in Biblical times to have sex with young boys who did NOT consent to the sodomy. Paul found it egregious and repulsive, which it was. There is no proof that Paul ever spoke or knew of a loving relationship between two people of the same sex, as being that of a deviant nature. Probably because homosexual relationships did not exist then, in the same context as they do now. People who look to scripture to tell them a myriad of things, do not often quote Jesus himself. When using the Bible to defend their positions regarding their dogma, they often overlook the fact that that was the one thing Jesus got really fired up and pissed off about. Jesus made it abundantly clear that loving our neighbors as ourselves, was THE commandment above all others! He even went so far as to call the Pharisees a bunch of hypocrites who were unjust, unmerciful and unfaithful! They shut the kingdom of God in men's faces - basically cutting off their own noses to spite themselves, because they weren't getting into heaven either! 


I just can't help but believe that if Jesus Christ himself didn't say a word, or utter a single peep about homosexuality, then it couldn't have been THAT big of a deal. And what with me being a Christian and all, I happen to think that what Jesus said, was the be all, end all...


In conclusion, I have to acknowledge that many people do in fact disagree with me and that's okay.  And for those that think our nation is going to Hell in a FedEx Overnight delivery pouch, I offer this as further proof that it is: In 1 Timothy 2:12 Paul clearly states that (KJV) "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority of the man, but to be in silence." And in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 says "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." But I guarantee you that everyone who  reads this has in fact been taught in school or even in their church by none other than a blasted woman!!! And therefore I see no way to restore this country to "...one nation, under Paul" errr.... I mean "God" until we get women out of our schools, stop them from teaching, put men in charge of Sunday & Bible School and shut down their wicked influence. They shouldn't be allowed to be CEO's or hold any type of authoratative position over a man in any capacity because by gum, Paul said so!! Now I'm sure a lot of people will start Google-snooping around to find reasons why Paul didn't mean what he said. They'll try to bamboozle you with words like "context" and "translation" but don't you let them. If Paul said it, (after all he mentioned homosexuality or deviant sex 7 whole times) then we know it must be concrete. If we're ever going to restore America, we have to shut the women's pie holes and force the gays to die alone. It's the only way... Right?

My Answer...

                                         
                                  (Valerie, my Dad & Me in 1998)


In the last few days I've tumbled over and over in my mind, a question I was asked by a woman I didn't know very well. I was having dinner with friends and their friends at a restaurant (where margaritas were present, hooray!) and somehow at the tail end of dinner I managed to blurt out that I'd never managed to complete my education or travel like I had wanted to because "I got knocked up right out of high school." You see, before I ever had any idea what I wanted to be or do, I knew that whatever it was, involved a lot of travel and adventure. I thought I would enjoy being a photographer for National Geographic or maybe even a fighter pilot.  I didn't have any particular knack for photography or knowledge of aviation, but a girl can dream. During the course of this conversation I decided to explain, like I always do, that I was married now and that my husband and I have been together since our daughter was three months old. I suppose after all the years I've spent explaining myself to people, in doing so it somehow makes me feel like less of a statistic and more like a "normal" person if I can help people to understand that I'm not a welfare dependent, single parent with multiple baby-daddies. I feel more comfortable if they know I've always tried not to be "that person". Although, not blurting out that I got knocked up when I was young, might be helpful in keeping my humble beginnings unknown, huh? So anyway, after hearing this, one of the ladies seated across from me asked how I raised my children or better yet, how I helped/guided them not to make the same mistakes that I did, or to follow in my footsteps?  It took me by surprise because up to that point I had NEVER been asked that question or one similar. It definitely gave me pause for thought and I wasn't at all offended. I felt as though she had a genuine interest in my answer and I didn't feel judged. But I was definitely surprised.


I was raised in a conservative household by educated parents who instilled in all their children, an understanding that we should have great aspirations and follow them through with higher education. It was not a typical road map for disaster that led me to have a child out of wedlock at the age of 19 without the biological father present in mine or the child's life. It was my stubborn will and the forces of nature, combined with the guiding hand of my benevolent God who knew what was best for me, that led me to have my daughter, Valerie. I have never considered raising either of my children differently from anyone else in an effort to keep them from duplicating my journey. And I guess that's mainly because I've never considered it a mistake or a black mark against my morality. I do have a desire for people to see me as their equal and so I feel compelled to "explain" myself and my current circumstances as a way of lessening any judgement people may first pass on me at their discovery of my family dynamic. That's my issue, not theirs. But in general, I feel I raise my children the same as everyone else. I try to be very very honest with them. If they ask a question, they get a truthful (albeit age appropriate) answer. I know that a vast majority of people consider sex before marriage, and certainly children before marriage, to be morally objectionable. Our society, and most others for that matter, has historically benefited from the family unit and it's ability to provide a majority of the social and economic substance necessary to stabilize their nation. Personally, I just happen to believe that how a family comes to be and who the family is made up of,  is not nearly as important as how much love there is between the family members.


And so my official answer is this: I raise my children to be good people. I raise them to love as much as possible, to forgive without question, to hope for great things, to love God, their country, their family and friends. And most of all, I raise my children to face the consequences of their actions head on. To never be ashamed of who they are and to know that they are loved without end, beyond measure and that they can and will survive whatever this life throws at them. Others may see my life with my daughter as a moral question to be answered... I see my life with my family as the only possible way for me to have ever achieved true happiness and satisfaction. If I am nothing else to my children, I hope that I am an example to them that no life and no person is perfect. They will make mistakes, they will have great successes. But come what may, I hope that they see in me, what happens when you take responsibility for your life choices, learn from them and get on with being who you're meant to be. 

Do what you fear and fear no more.

I reveal this hodgepodge about myself to expose my inconsistencies with committment and lack of branded affiliation. I'm not a Democrat. I'm not a Republican. I'm morally liberal and politically conservative. I was baptized Mormon, raised in a Methodist Church and am technically an Episcopalian although we attend a Baptist church because that's where our daughter wants to go. I'm white and I'm a woman and I can't do anything about it. I was fortunate enough to be raised by people who didn't indoctrinate me with shame, fear or bigotry. **I believe those things are learned** Our actions however, are chosen.

***It is important that I tell you now that this post is about to take a turn toward the truth. (My truth anyway - or the truth as I see it) Some people are highly likely to disagree and may find my language inflammatory.***



Owen & Mzee


There is and always has been a "race" in this country. A race to a preverbal finish line that once crossed, the winners believe they will have achieved supreme racial superiority and things will start going their way. Every ethnicity believes that their rights and way of life are somehow infringed upon or threatened, and they/we are poised and ready for a victory - should the actual foot race ever begin. We've reached a pinnacle of political correctness in this country that has brought the possibility of any truthful discourse to a screeching halt. Everyone feels backed into an octagonal corner and is ready to charge, chant, rant or protest at the drop of a floppy hat. I despise using terms like "African American" or "Hispanic American" or "Italian American". I'm not referred to as "Irish, French Canadian, Southern American". And I'm not - because it's stupid. I think it's stupid to refer to people based on their supposed ethnicity and then add on the tail end that they're American too! I believe those labels perpetuate separatism. If you were born here or have acquired citizenship here, then you're an American. Being one automatically implies that "no one really knows where the Hell your ancestors came from, nor do we care because we can all live here together and to Hell with our homelands 'cause it's more awesome in America than anywhere else or we wouldn't still be here". So henceforth I shall refer to people the way I myself like to be talked about. I prefer to be known as a skinny white girl, but for this post, white girl will suffice. I will describe people by their color, purely to identify them for a significant reason as they pertain to the story. (i.e. white = white/European person, black = black/African person, brown = brown/Mexican person etc...)

I think we are ALL (and by all I mean every person on planet Earth) prejudiced. We all pre-judge. Whether it be by race, color, sex, clothing, affluence, scent, touch, tolerability, whatever. Everyone forms a quick judgement based on the immediate evidence provided in the item or person before them. If you say you don't, you're a liar. If you actually believe that you don't, you're lying to yourself. I do it, you do it, the dog does it. Even my sweet lil ole' Grandma does it. Correction: did it - she's dead now. My point is that there's nothing wrong with judgement. It serves us well if we use it properly. And by nature, because we're human (animal also) we flock to our own kind. White people congregate, black people congregate, brown people congregate. We go where we feel accepted and find commonality. This isn't wrong, it's natural. What's wonderful about this is that on occasion you'll find us all mingling. Like a hippo who's friends with a turtle; or a cat who buddies up to a horse. Sure it looks weird, but it's awesome. We can all find commonality, we just have to be willing to look a little harder to find it with people who aren't like us.

Two of my best friends as a child were black girls. We didn't socialize a lot at school but school was where we became friends. I'm not even sure what it was that drew me to these cousins, but they liked me equally as well. We just sort of "got" each other. And to this day, we still do. To my knowledge we never minded or ever gave a moment's thought to any opposition to our friendship. We went places together and drew a few "Why are those black girls hanging out with that skinny white girl?" looks. But we didn't care. And it was wonderful. It is wonderful still, these and other amazing friendships I've cultivated with people who are not-like me.

Being able to own my prejudices has served me well in my life. I know that I judge, but I also know it is wrong to qualify my judgements. I can not validate them or use them to separate, segregate or tip the scales of inequality in my favor. No one race or sex or religion is entitled to more or less freedoms than the next. There is no such thing as superiority. And what keeps us fighting this cultural war is our sheepish inability to tell that to the parades of morons, be they black, white or brown who shout from the rafters every time they feel they've been attacked. That's not to say that race isn't a motivating factor in behaviors (and certainly many criminal ones). I mean that if we are to someday eradicate racial and sexual inequality, then we need every body, every race, every sex to unite under the banner of justice and equality. If we can't expect that or accept that, then we are our demise.

The media has captured our recent attention by focusing on a black 17 year old boy in FL who was murdered by a brown man for "looking suspicious". People are actually arguing over whether or not this kid did anything to deserve this. The 911 operator told the neighborhood watch guy to stay put and not follow the kid. He went after an unarmed boy and shot him in cold blood. An altercation may have ensued, but the dead man can tell no tale. His argument and defense has been obliterated for nothing. There is no argument here. Just like there is no argument for the the four black men in TN who car-jacked a young white couple, raped the boy, cut off his penis and for two days, took turns gang raping the girl, then chopped off her breast and poured bleach down her throat before finally killing her. There is no excuse. There is no way to spin this. You can't justify the unjustifiable. Just because you don't like the way something sounds, doesn't mean you can change what happened. You don't get to alter the truth because you can't handle the details of it. There's a RACE alright - and nobody's winning!

There are good people in our country. There are good people right next door to you. There are friends everywhere, you just don't know them yet. I implore you, walk outside your door and be the hippo who makes friends with the turtle. The beastly ugliness in humanity is not confined to a race or a gender. It is confined to the soul of the perpetrators. If we are to be a loud and reckoning force of opposition, let it be against those who would hide the truth to promote agendas. Race is not the enemy here; Injustice and inequality are. It's alright to go to our separate corners, but when it's time to fight, we owe it to ourselves to do it together.

What's in a (stupid) name?

We all want our children to feel special, to be unique, to have an identity separate from our own, or from anyone's for that matter. We are raised in a culture of me-ness. We are expected to fulfill our own special dreams. To choose, seek and find a path that is all our own in an effort to carve out an identity so special that everyone will remember our specialness... We then go forth and have very special children. And in this age of uniqueness and specialness (TON! TON! TON!) has come

 THE SPECIAL NAME!!! A mark so grand that it will become a defining glimpse into your child's own brand of uniquely identifying features. It will tell the world in a mere moment all we need to know about this extemely special creature we are about to behold. While fulfilling your own unique and special brand of self, you managed to give birth to an equally special, gifted and brilliant offspring! Congratulations!!! Everyone now knows that you're an idiot because you named your child Caramilia Delania Hussenflower OR Jax Liamson Gibson. Your inability to recognize how vastly unimportant it is for a child to have a unique name has made you look like a first class jackass.

Names that are impossible to spell set your child up for a lifetime of bitter resentment over never receiving a piece of mail with the correct spelling of their name on it. They'll never be able to find a keychain or a pre printed wall decoration containing their name while on vacation. People will ask them thousands upon thousands of times in their lifetime "How do you spell that?" Behind their backs and yours especially, people will boldly and happily lament on your foolishness as well as their gratitude that you are not their parent.

Combining names is the worst! Taking a perfectly solid and lovely name like, Jennifer and forcing a collision with Andrew gives us the possiblity of someday running into old Jenndrew or Andifer. (God help me, I probably just gave some idiot an idea for a name.) 

What's wrong with a solid name that's easy to spell??? I'd much rather come into contact with little Kathy who was well behaved and who's parents cared enough to raise her well, than I would meet little Brailynne who's parents believed in her specialness so much that they didn't bother to raise her at all. Children are special to their parents and a few close friends and relatives; NOT to the population at large! And the faster they, and their parents figure that out, the happier we ALL will be.

Restore My Faith

Today I stopped at a Revolutionary War cemetery and found this. A four sided monument dedicated to the deceased 28 year old wife of a man who obviously revered his beloved. It brought me peace and a reassurance that in the near 200 years since her death, love is timeless. And love between man and woman is ageless...

"A Christian Woman"
Is the highest best gift of God to Earth and here lies one of its brightest exemplifications! Christianity was with her, a sentiment deeply inwoven in all her thoughts, feelings and affections. Kind and benevolent, unexacting and charitable, brilliant but humble - Vigorous in intellect, sweet and lovely in person, meek and gentle in disposition - her life and character have left their impress indelibly fixed in the hearts of those whose wise counselor and devoted partner she was, through all the vicissitudes of an eventful though brief career. Though married when young, ardent and hopeful in the midday splendor of youthful hopes and aspirations, she entered upon her domestic duties with energy and devotion which could feel no decline and by the purity and vigor of her own character, she won from the most slavish passions, him whose welfare was her highest happiness and whose character was her own handiwork. Her earthly mission accomplished - she laid down her cross, took up her crown and now sweetly rests in the company of her savior.

A Sword I'm Willing to Die By....

I have to admit that I'm losing my faith... In people. Not that I ever had much, but what remained is dwindling. I almost expect the Rush Limbaughs of the world to react with hate laced vigor to something as simple as a well dressed, articulate woman testifying in front of Congress to try and gain support for a cause that she feels strongly about. I did not however, expect celebrities like Patricia Heaton of "Everybody Loves Raymond" fame to make remarks like this on behalf of Christ - what with her being a Christian and all...

"Hey G-Town Gal: Plz let us also pay for your Starbucks, movie theater tickets and your favorite hot wings combo deal at KFC! Anything else?"

"Hey G-Town Gal: If your parents have to pay for your birth control, maybe they should get a say in who you sleep with! Instant birth control!"

"If every Tweaton sent Georgetown Gal one condom, her parents wouldn't have to cancel basic cable, & she would never reproduce -- sound good?"

This woman, Sandra Fluke never once mentioned sex for her. She did not testify on her own behalf. She didn't ask for payments from the government for sex. She did what she thought was right and did NOT take cheap shots at anybody during the course of her testimony. And I think that's what bothers me most about this. If someone has an opinion that differs from Sandra Fluke's, it is their absolute right to posess it. This woman used a respectable channel to voice her position on the subject of contraception coverage. Why can't people who take opposition with her stand, express their opinion via the same channel? Or even if they are not able to secure an invitation to testify, but have other mediums for voicing their disagreement - why couldn't stating their personal feelings on the subject satisfy them? Ms. Fluke didn't include hate speach for anyone in her testimony. She didn't call Rush Limbaugh a "limp-dick, potbellied, ass sucking, hate spewing, drug addict with a tiny member who hates women because they won't 'F' him without payment." She didn't call Patricia Heaton a "self rightous know-it-all, saggy hag, pea brain who stoops to childish internet bullying tactics because she's offended by something that has NOTHING to do with her." So why do they feel the need to attack HER? Why not attack the issue? And if they have a 'shocking' position then so be it. But to blatantly and openly attack a woman who has done NOTHING to deserve the wrath of hatred blown at her, speaks more about who they are than who she is. And it should tell us all to be vigilant about the directions of our own thoughts. That our actions speak of us - no one else. That we are ALL very quick to point fingers so that we don't have to shoulder responsibility for the only person we're actually responsible for... Ourselves. (And my remarks about Heaton and Limbaugh above, are expressly my own - not Ms. Fluke's. I take full responsibility for them. Happily.)

Words like whore & slut cut straight to the fragile bones of women. Which is often why people like Limbaugh throw them out so rapidly. It's a fast and sure-fire way to bypass a woman's credibility. If a rape victim has a sordid sexual history or any sexual history at all for that matter, in many cases it can be used against her at a trial. It says to us all that "As a woman, if you have ever chosen to have sex, then you no longer get to decide who you do it with. If you have slept with a dozen men, or one man voluntarily, then we'll remove your right to consensual sex." Calling a woman like Sandra Fluke a slut is saying to the population of America's girls and gals, that if you believe in healthful, sexual, monogamous relationships, then you will be dishonored in the court of public opinion. Which brings me to wonder why this same issue hasn't arisen about the HPV vaccine, Gardisil? As we all know, Gardisil is a vaccine (which most insurance pays for) given to our daughters, that will help in the prevention of cervical cancer - which is caused by the Human Papilloma Virus. HPV is a virus that virtually every woman carries once she is sexually active. So do the Rush Limbaughs, Craig Bannisters & Patricia Heatons of the world also believe that women deserve cervical cancer??? Since being a sexually active woman is enough to call "Slut", regardless of the confines of the relationship - do they think that all sexually active women are whores and sluts? And heaven forbid, if we actually enjoy the sex, do we deserve 10 fold the punishment? Should we develop heart disease  and diabetes from untreated Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome? Should we die slowly and painfully from Cervical Cancer? Should we have our breasts removed and our vaginas burned? Would this be punishment enough for us? If not, what would please them? Aside from everyone in the world agreeing with them, what punishment for disagreers would leave them full up? Ask yourself, as a woman - what should be your punishment for having sex? What is a slut? Are you a slut? And if so, what's so wrong with being a slut?

This is an article written about the "Slut Walk" in San Francisco.

On Saturday, August 6, San Francisco hosted its first Slut Walk. Scores of people showed up at Dolores Park to talk about their own personal experiences with rape. As SF Weekly's Ginger Murray reports, Jessica "Jane Doe" Gonzales told her story about being a victim of gang rape: "She was assaulted by her high school football team while unconscious. At the trial the clothing she wore, the fact that she was intoxicated, and her social network photos were all used against her. The perpetrators were not convicted."
Murry goes on to point out, "There were almost as many men marching as women, and and many different communities were in evidence."
Sparked earlier this year, the Slut Walk movement came about after a police officer in Toronto told audience members at York University that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized." In addition to shedding light on rape and victim-blaming, Slut Walk co-founders Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis "decided to use the word slut in their response. They observe that historically, 'slut' has had negative connotations, and that their goal is to redeem the term."
Here are a few images from Saturday's Slut Walk.
Zombie has more images. Mission Local also has a recorded interview with one of the Slut Walk founders who want people to "keep talking about rape."

If you actually like women, feel free to read to the article below.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/04/opinion/sunday/kristof-when-states-abuse-women.html?_r=2&smid=fb-share

I won't get into details about the above article as you are capable of reading it for yourself. But in accordance with it, I also felt obligated to post this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V78ReJbjdxo

THIS is an example of conservativism in our country? Really? Since when did being a conservative become synonymous with being an asshole? How can you want "smaller governement" if you believe that said governement has a right to establish laws based on things that have nothing to do with your rights as a citizen of this country? Why do Republicans get to determine morality and pass laws about it? Why do Democrats believe that the only Constitutionally upheld rights of citizens should be in regard to personal and moral preference? Why don't Democrats also believe that we as citizens should have a right to our paychecks and financial futures? Why do they close the door to give us privacy in the bedroom but grab our pocketbooks on the way out? None of it makes any sense! Political partying platforms are distractions and distractions only. All parties and their card carrying members have contributors to repay once elected. Their obligation is to their "shareholders", not to the American public. If they gave a damn about us, The Patriot Act wouldn't exist. I wouldn't get i.d'd to buy movies at Wal-Mart or have my license scanned when I bought Advil Sinus at CVS. Republicans and Democrats alike are entirely responsible for the day to day destruction of our civil liberties and privacies. They each do their part to shred our nation's fabric into tattered rags.

If you have conviction, I don't care what it's about; Good for you! But if you're interested solely in convicting (as is Rick Perry above) then I have no interest in listening to you. If you despise homosexuals - do your part to uphold your convictions and don't become one!! If you believe that women who have sex (and actually like it - eek!) are whores deserving of God's wrath - then holy Hell, don't be one!! If you think that abortion is wrong - don't get one!! But stop trying to dictate how everyone else is allowed to feel and think. Just because you went to Sunday school as a child, doesn't mean that Jesus loves you more than anyone else. If the Bible tells you how to live and you are comforted by it, that's wonderful. But that's you. It is not that way for everyone else in the world. I don't want prayer thrust upon my children in school. I don't want "wear your Christian t-shirt to school" day during spirit week because I also don't want "wear your Muslim t-shirt to school" day either. I don't want the principal or teacher, or janitor leading my children in prayer. But I DARE someone to stop them should they decide to pray! Religious freedom and separation from the law are not that difficult to comprehend if you have any respect for someone else's rights to view things differently than you do. I don't expect people to feel or see God the way that I do. I arrive at my relationship with him daily - in my own way, walking my own path, praying my own prayers, guided by my own interpretation. Just the way God made me. And just as I don't expect people to share my beliefs or experiences, I don't expect to have laws passed demanding that I see things someone else's way. If I'm not mistaken, that's one of the really awesome things about being an American! That I don't have to do what others want to do. I can go my own way without fear of retribution from my government.
Assholes though, they may be....

Birth Control Shmirth Control!!!

I can't help but be startled by some people's reactions to the "birth control" debate. For some it's about having to pay for other people not to get pregnant. For a few, it's about women trying to get special treatment. For others it's just another format to bitch about how the government tries to force things down people's throats and it's not right, blah blah blah. And the fact of the matter is, that if you are a reasonable, sensible person with any compassion or sense of equality at all, you should be able to assess this situation and understand that the bottom line is drawn at the feet of women who are demanding equality in health coverage. We are not sex crazed whores who want "Joe TAX Payer" to foot the bill for our uterine benefits. We're not wanting to have loads of indiscriminant sex. As a matter of fact, this has nothing to do with a woman's desire for sex whatsoever. It has nothing to do with wanting inconsquential sexual encounters. IT'S NOT ABOUT MEN!!!!!!! It's not about your money, your politics, your feelings, your sperm, your religion, your penis or your ego. It's just not about you.... And if this argument were about male specific health care coverage being denied, this wouldn't even be a debate.

Click the links one at a time. Hope it's not too much of a pain in the butt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3vheTsFctA&feature=channel

This is my first ever video rant on my blog. Couldn't get it to upload any other way so I had to stick it on youtube. It's a two parter. Here's the finale':

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOtByMXzBFY


This is the link to the article written by Craig "Crotchhead" Bannister:

http://cnsnews.com/blog/craig-bannister/sex-crazed-co-eds-going-broke-buying-birth-control-student-tells-pelosi-hearing

The link above is the article that started all of this.


And this is the testimony he contrived his idiotic article from, touting it as factual:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4nOuQ1dRx8

Redefining terms

I'll talk about my stupid juice fast later. It's going fine, I've lost weight, etc etc...
But right now I'd like to talk about something very near and dear to my heart and that's arrogant stupid people. Abortion is a hot topic these days and I see all kinds of idiotic propoganda on FB and other messaging mediums saying that  it needs to end and no one should ever have an abortion, it's murder, blah blah blah. Well, kiss my ass!!! Because NOT ONE of the people who post that stupid shit have adopted any children who were unwanted! Not one person I know who yelps about how wrong it is to terminate a pregnancy or take a morning after pill or use god forsaken birth control has ever offered up an alternative. They never post links about abused or murdered children, enraged about their treament or deaths. They don't offer up scores of solutions on how to ensure a child's safety and well being. And they damn sure don't look after any kids but their own and a lot of times, they don't even really do that very well. So to any high and mighty, know it all, do good-er, who sits in judgement of women or girls who are sexually active and are reasonable enough to admit they can't handle the responsibilities of parenting or the uncertainty of adoption, before you post any more stupid ass posters or bulletins or hold any more signs or vote for any more woman-hater politicians, how about you go and get some kids who are suffering and take care of them and see how much energy or money you have to spend on children that aren't even on this planet yet!!!!!
In a nut shell, what I'm saying is that if you're so concerned about children, go look after some real ones! Put your money where your big fat mouth is and come up with some solutions for making this world a safe one for ALL children to enter. And when you get that accomplished, I'll carry an anti-abortion poster and vote for Rick Santorum. Fair???

Day 2 - of what feels like 9,000

I did and felt much better today. For breakfast I had the smoothie I talked about last night (with peanutbutter, yogurt and vanilla soy milk). It helped to get my day started a little better and with a little less of a scowl and growl. I'm gonna do it again tomorrow :)

For lunch I had a juice that included a granny smith apple, bell pepper, half head of cabbage, 2 celery stalks, 1 cucumber and a piece of ginger. Then I took the juice and poured it into a blender and added a banana and 1/2 cup of milk. It was a recipe recommended in my Juicer booklet and it was one of the only things I saw that sounded like it might help me get the celery down. Aside from a spoon full of sugar, I don't see too many more options and I gotta get the celery down...

I was far less cranky today and felt much more satisfied and a lot less tempted; Which is why I opted for all that kale and celery yesterday. Kale really helps to battle food cravings and especially sugar cravings. Celery boosts that effect. I knew if I could suck it all down that within a day or so I'd feel more sain. I was right **I say in my most persnickity voice**

Now, I have 8 days left in the "drink yourself well" gauntlet I've thrown down. It's really not so bad today and I can only assume it will get better. I do need to drink more water. I had less than 20 oz today and that's not good. I need to improve on that very rapidly. So tomorrow my plan is to start it the same way I did today because that yogurt banana peanutbutter thing yesterday made me happy and I fully intend that it will make me happy tomorrow. And when you're drinking your meals, you need happy happy balls of sunshine wherever you can find 'em, mainly so you don't kill people (so that you can later eat them).

Will report again tomorrow. I'm sure it will go something like this: I had ____________ for breakfast. I had _____________ for lunch. I had ______________ for dinner. It was good/bad. I am happy/sad. But whatever. I promised to report on this shit and I'm doing it. Have a nice night. And eat a good breakfast! It saves lives!!!!

So.... I ate a tomato

Day 1:
Breakfast - Juice of 4 kale leaves, 2 celery stalks, 1/2 lemon, 1 granny smith apple, 1 cucumber and a piece of ginger
****morning snack****    One sliced tomato with pepper & apple cider vinegar
Lunch - Smoothie made with 1/2 blender of frozen chopped spinach, 2 kale leaves, 4 strawberries, 2 tbsp on blueberries, a chunk of fresh pineapple and 1 banana
Dinner - Juice of 3 kale leaves, 1 cucumber, 1 bell pepper, 1 carrot, 1/2 lime, 1 green apple
****evening cave**** 5 pan grilled green beans

I can feel you judging me!!!

OK OK OK!! So I caved a little and had to have a smidgeon of substance. I ate a damn tomato and a few green beans for crying out loud! God!

This was harder than I thought it would be and it tasted mostly terrible. I already love fruits and vegetables and will eat just about anything that grows out of the ground. I knew I needed to cram in as much green as I could today. Greens provide a tremendous amount of vidatim d, fiber, enzymes & antioxidents. Kale is the mac-daddy of greens. It fights fat for one and it's unusually high in fiber, nutrients, vitamin a & calcium, beta-carotene, which by many experts is believed to play a vital role in the battle against cancer, heart disease and certain age related illnesses. Then there's celery.... The shit I absolutely can't stand but that there's really no substitute for. It has vitamins a, k, b2 (riboflavin) b5, b6, magnesium, folate, calcium, and so on and on and on. I needed these things right away. I've been lacking energy, not sleeping well, racked with headaches and stress and in general just haven't been in a very good mood. I do NOT have cancer thankfully. But I do have atypical cells known as ductal hyperplasia that gives me a 45-48% chance of developing breast cancer. I'll see an oncologist next week and I feel certain he'll want to put me on some preventative drugs (that I won't be taking). He'll provide me with a risk assessment and hopefully if he's a decent doctor, a plan of action to help me prevent getting breast cancer.

I want to be healthy of course, but more than anything, I want to feel good and be around to see my kids grow up, to see my grandkids grow up. And I don't mean just BE here, I mean live - really live. I see so many overweight, sick people who aren't willing to make simple adjustments in their lives and do without some fatty greasy food and it's so disheartening. I've spent time with a number of people who are sick! I mean really really sick and I know they'd give anything to go back 30 years and take better care of themselves. They wish they'd never started smoking, or drinking. They wish they'd eaten better, exercised more. But now it's too late. Their lives are spent in utter misery, dependent on buckets of pills, oxygen tanks, breathing masks, insulin shots, surgeries, blood clots. The list goes on and on. I don't want that. I want to be a part of my children's lives, not a drain on them.

So today, I choked this stuff down knowing that in a few days my tastebuds will adapt and change and I'll be fine. The Pizza Hut commercial today only made me really hungry for about 5 minutes. Five miserable minutes. Five agonizing, disgustingly tantalizing miserably horrifying minutes........

Anyway, I got a recipe today on FB from a friend and I'm going to try it tomorrow for breakfast before heading out to see my surgeon for my follow up visit. It's a cup of vanilla Activia, spinach, a banana and some peanut butter and vanilla almond milk smoothie. It sounds heavenly and will be a welcome break. I'm hoping to incorporate more fruits and experiment with more recipes in the coming days. I've given myself permission to have slip-ups and cave into a tomato craving or a handfull of green beans here and there. I won't break from a strict 10 day diet of fruits and vegetables, juices and smoothie combinations. But if I have to have a tomato... I have to have a tomato. The only difference is I didn't juice it, I chewed it.

And there you have it, day 1. Day hungry, grouchy, angry 1. Eye of the Tiger and whatnot.

Food Anyone?

I've been making and drinking green smoothies off and on for a couple of years now. I finally perfected my recipe and it includes 3/4 blender of spinach, a few kale leaves, one banana, 5 or 6 strawberries, a handfull of blueberries, a bit of pineapple and a tsp of honey. Yummy! When I drink them for breakfast consistently the benefits to my health and mood and energy level is amazing! My mother bought me a juicer last year and I love it as well.

This afternoon my bff showed me a documentary she watched about a man who went on a sixty day juice fast. He started out at 319 lbs and in the first 10 days he lost 21 of them.  During his fasting he toured the United States (he's an Aussie) and the looks and comments he received when people found out what he was doing were astounding. Most obese people know that in order to lose weight they have to change their diet and take in fewer calories but it's astonishing to hear how oblivious they are about food in general.  I'm no foodie. I'm no expert in nutrition but I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that eating a lot of fatty sugary processed foods will make you fat and feel bad. And this isn't a knock on my Mother, but when I told her that I wanted to do a 10 day juice fast and explained to her what it entailed, her response was "That doesn't sound healthy. It's not good for you not to eat." I almost fainted upon hearing this. What this juice fast entails is instead of trying to physically chew 16 servings of fruits of vegetables per day, I'm going to combine the foods into smoothies and juices and consume them in a liquid or soft form. I will put into my body, only healthy, vitamin rich, nutritious foods. And my own Mother doesn't know if this is healthy...

The man who filmed his personal journey through this fasting's name is, Joe Cross. His documentary is aptly titled: Fat - Sick - And Nearly Dead. I recommend that everyone watch it. It's a basic and simple, non judgemental approach to regaining control of our bodies. We are a fat, sick, nearly dead, doctor and medicine dependent nation. I don't understand why food means so much to so many but it's difficult to listen to people's excuses for why they choose to be in such poor health. And it IS a choice. We don't have to eat garbage and we certainly don't have to eat a lot of it...

So tomorrow I'll begin my 10 day fast. I'm actually hoping to make it 30 days but I'm trying on 10 for size. I took my measurements and I will post my results, my menu and my feelings about it each day. I expect that I'll be pretty miserable for the first day or two or three. I'll try not to divulge too much of my misery. At the end of my 10th day I hope to feel fantastic, have lost 5 pounds and be ready to go for 20 days more. Stay tuned...

For the Record

Just to be clear, I am pro choice. I promote people making choices that best represent what they feel they can live with. And given recent firestorms of controversy, I feel compelled to state that no one I know or have ever known is in favor of abortion. Being pro choice doesn't mean you think abortion is awesome. It means you think you don't tell others what is right for them because you have no idea what it's like to BE them. I walk in MY shoes, no one elses. I've never heard anyone say that they thought killing embryos was a terrific way to pass the time. Everyone I know who supports an individual's right to choose simply supports and values existing life and appreciates that life in general is sometimes really hard and really terrible. I place ultimate value on the lives already self sustaining on this planet. When EVERY child in this world has a family, love, food & shelter, THEN I will concern myself with the children that are not yet born.

The way the world is, isn't the way it's supposed to be. War, perversion, hatred, discrimination... It's just not right. But just because the world isn't what it should be, doesn't mean that's not the way it is. Sublime ideology is not a basis for an argument.

Why THIS Sin?

I fancy myself to be more of a mental sinner than an acting one. But from everything I've learned, that doesn't matter. Sin is sin and one is no worse than the other. There are of course, the deadly ones or capital vices: wrath, sloth, greed, envy, gluttony, pride and lust. That just means they are a gateway to actions or vices that lead to very threatening, even deadly consequences; Hence the reason we should do our best to avoid them.

I hear a lot about how people have a particular disdain for homosexuals. I've heard railings against homosexuals from people all of my life. Today in the news I read about a gay man who was stalked as he went into a grocery store and then when he exited, a group of hate mongers lay in wait for him. Two of them had cameras and filmed the other men beating this man nearly to death. Because he is gay! And I need to know why people think that being a homosexual is more repugnant to our creator than say, being morbidly obese or being a drug addict or a busy body? Why don't people try to stop alcoholics from getting married? Why don't churches try to keep really overweight people from becoming preachers? I point to these two specifically because they're sins that are often much more visible to the casual observer but don't seem to draw nearly the hatred or criticism that homosexuality does. I have a lot of gay friends and some of them are much nicer people than I am. Some of them were far less promiscuous than myself when they were younger and some are much less quick to anger as well.

I just don't see it. I don't see where the fear and hatred come from. I don't understand blatant bigotry, which is also a sin... None of us are perfect. And most of us would make a sailor blush if we had to confess what we were REALLY like on the inside. If we had to say out loud, everything that was sinful and true about ourselves, most of us would crumple in shame before we could sputter the words. So why then are we so quick to crucify the people who have little chance of being as secretive as we? Aren't we all forgiven?

For My Hero, Dr. King

Probably because the MLK Jr. holiday is right around the corner, he's been on my mind a lot lately. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. has been one of my lifelong heroes. And for all of my life I've never understood why anyone had a problem with a national holiday in his honor or why there wasn't a monument erected in his honor in Washington, D.C. Funny enough, I recognize that I'm a middle American born caucasian who by most standards has not been subject to racial prejudices of any magnitude. I have no particular cause to find this man to be of radical importance in making my life any easier. But what I've always loved and clung to, was the amount of courage that one human being can posess...

I believe that we all have a purpose. No matter how great or small, each contribution is of the utmost importance. We are all needed. I also believe that there have been a few, precious few people put on this Earth for a short while, who were so diligently and deliberately planned, prepared for and retrieved, that there can be NO doubt whatsoever that there is a living God who knows and commands all that resides on this planet. I believe Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was one of them. For what other possible explanation can there be for the existence of a man who was as tenacious, as brave & as good as he?

"Drawing inspiration from both his Christian faith and the peaceful teachings of Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. King led a nonviolent movement in the late 1950’s and ‘60s to achieve legal equality for African-Americans in the United States. While others were advocating for freedom by “any means necessary,” including violence, Martin Luther King, Jr. used the power of words and acts of nonviolent resistance, such as protests and grassroots organizing, to achieve seemingly-impossible goals. He went on to lead similar campaigns against poverty and international conflict, always maintaining fidelity to his principles that men and women everywhere, regardless of color or creed, are equal members of the human family."

We are all prejudice. We all pre judge, be it by appearance, color, gender, class, intelligence... We have all at one point or another made up our minds about someone based on nothing factual - but on what we saw or felt in their presence. And I think that's ok. If we recognize that judgement can be a good thing and can alert our senses to impending danger or risk, then we are lucky to posess such judgement. But when we allow ourselves to discriminate against and mistreat our brothers and sisters because of our prejudicial fears, we are in fact wrong. Dr. King rallied masses of people to protest the mistreatment of African Americans through non violent acts. When we are attacked and are faced with danger, our animalistic instinct is to relatiate in violence. If we are cornered or harmed, we lash out in defense of ourselves. And this man, this brilliant man knew that if things were ever going to change, that African Americans had to maintain a steadfast resolve against violence at all costs. To lead your fellow man into a war where your only weapon is the ground you stand upon, to supress all instinctual survivalistic urges, in order to command a change so great that the entire world responds, is beyond comprehension. Dr. King always knew the dangers he faced and yet he stood in the face of inequality and prejudice and stared it down. He drew legions of followers and led them to do the same. This man changed the perception of African Americans and started a revolution so grand, we have not yet bugun to see it's full impact. He was a revolutionary. He was change...

Dr. King continues to inspire me to this day. Any time I have ever been faced with difficult decisions, whenever I feel I might be judged or suffer consequences for doing what I know is right - I think of him. I remember this gentle, eloquent man who put his life risk every day for 13 years on behalf of his brothers and sisters around the world. His fight was not just for his people, but for all people. His fight was for you and for me. Because at one time or another we will all face a judgement, and he knew better than anyone that there would be a price to pay. He gave his life for his dream. And what a dream it was...

From the "I Hava a Dream" speach - 1963
"But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone."
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.