...Because that's how I was raised

     Recently I've honed in on a topic (as it is in my nature to do) and have paid particular attention to the times, number of ways and sources from which I hear the phrase "because that's how I was raised". And it struck me one day that there might be something more to that simple utterance. It's a blanket statement that seems to smother out any oppositional forces. If someone says they do or believe something because that's how they were raised, then it seems to cease all argument. I bounced this subject off of my best friend a while back and then off of my husband a few days ago. They both seemed to have a different take on the phrase than I did. My friend pointed out that the reason I might feel differently from people about certain subjects is perhaps due to the way I myself was raised. My husband says that it's a very valid form of justification as it may imply that someone's upbringing, despite what the world around them may have tried to teach them, was the only solid form of behavioral or moral code they could imagine implementing in their own lives. Both of these views were very interesting to me and I must say, present a solid position that supports just why "becuase that's how I was raised" is so doggone powerful in solidifying a person's stance on a subject or behavior.

     In some cases quite honestly I've found the statement to be a very limitting one. One that not only provided no solid basis for belief, but one that also made the person saying it seem less capable of forming an opinion based on actual evidence rather than some bologna they were fed in adolescence. From Rhett Butler I quote "Far be it from me to question the teachings of childhood" but by the time we're 30, we should have some idea of why we take the positions that we do. I was speaking to a friend the other day on the subject of gay marriage and she stated that she didn't think it was right for homosexuals to marry. Not stating my opinion one way or the other I asked what made her feel that way? She said "I don't know. That's just how I was raised." And a few months ago I had a discussion with a friend about the difficulty of child rearing and she said "I was raised to believe that you should never spank a child." An acquaintance said a few days ago that "the man is the leader of the household and his word is final". When I asked how that made sense to her she said "because that's how I was raised". I won't delve into some of the political stances people take because of how they were raised. But in each instance I wanted so much to dig deeper into the conversation. I wanted to know why they let themselves off so easily? Why did they not express what they thought? What's wrong with looking at the world and the people around you, withholding judgement and waiting for an actual moment or circumstance before forming an opinion? At least then it would be based in something real, an experience or feeling that was your own.

     I IN NO WAY believe that others should think the same way that I do. I truly love that this world is made up of all kinds of people. I believe there is room for every view, every idea, every body, every principle, discipline, religion, practice, purpose, occupation, education, you get the idea... As someone who has no particular affinity for a religion - I embrace every single one of them. What I dislike is the "tried in court" view some people take when they decide that what they believe is the only way to believe. Because that's how they were raised. But if they had been raised differently then they'd believe something else... A long time ago I heard someone say that "Sometimes what you'll learn will conflict with what you know." It was more than 20 years ago and I've never forgotten it. **I've learned that lying is wrong but I know that sometimes it's necessary. I've learned that murder is a sin but I know that if someone hurt my children I'd likely have no problem in carrying it out. I've learned that staying married is one of the most difficult things I'll ever achieve. But I know I'll never be better than I am when I'm with my husband.**

    
     Perhaps this is all my parent's fault. They took me to church but never forced me to comit to one religion. They discussed politics but never with bias. They took me to see Christmas lights and never one time told me that some of them were tacky. I was 22 years old before I noticed that some outdoor seasonal displays were just plain... wrong! I don't likely share my parent's opinions of things because they never really shared theirs with me. They asked me constantly what I thought of things? And so I was always forced to take a look at things and judge for myself, and sometimes it was especially difficult. Many times, I would rather have been told what to do or think. But instead I decided how I felt about capital punishment and ketchup on eggs. I decided how much water to add to my oatmeal and whether or not I though O.J. was guilty. I'm not really sure why I think it's so important for people to make their own decisions. Perhaps it's because of how I was raised.....................
Maybe I'm putting way to much emphasis on that statement and it doesn't mean nearly half of what I think it does. But I'd find it terribly refreshing if someone could actually express their opinion without using it once in a while. It's not that I don't think a preacher's sermon or a parent's rearing shouldn't have a place in who we become. I just don't think it should account for all of who we become.

Or maybe I just think too damn much.