Love & Marriage, Sex & a Carriage

I'm overcome with gratitude for a man named Ross today. Ross was a friend to and of my parents when I was a young child. He attended parties at our home and came for several holiday meals. I met him when I was 3 and remember that he was tall, kind, smiling and in possession of a most impressive mustache. He was the first gay person I ever knew. And today I am overwhelmed with memories of Ross and feelings of love and admiration for my parents for never force feeding me dogma; as I understand it to be very bitter.

In an apparent newsworthy fashion, our current President, Barack Obama, announced that he supports gay marriage - making him our very first President to openly take that stance. The fact that it comes on the heels of North Carolina voters confirming by majority that they want to limit the Constitutional definition of marriage to that of a man and woman, makes his declaration, too wittle too wate. But nonetheless, it is a markedly historic  position for our nation's leader to take and so I will, as I have during the reign of his entire administration, take it in stride.


If I have never been blatantly clear about my stance on this issue, let me say now that I support gay marriage 100 percent. If I have never been clear about my stance as a Christian, let me say now also that I am 100 percent Christian. I am not religious. I am not Republican. I am not a Democrat and I am not sitting around with my thumb up my ass waiting for someone to tell me what to think. It took me years to syphon through the gads of information available on this topic. I haven't yet reached the bottom of the pile but I finally made it to a comfortable resting place, whew!!! For years I tried not to identify myself as a Christian because the modern day fundamentalists give it a backward, bigoted, backwoods feel and I'm not comfortable swallowing swamp water. But one day, on my own, right by myself, I talked to God and his son and he delivered me brand new. It has been with renewed faith and conviction that I can proudly say, I am a Christian because Jesus loves me and I finally learned to accept it. Not because I congregate or segregate, discriminate or any other "ate".


I am still learning from the Bible. I am still learning from Walt Whitman, who said to "...re-examine all you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul." If there is anything I have learned from the Bible, it's that it's confusing, contradictory, bizarre and in many ways, beautiful. People do an awful lot of picking and pecking from it, deciding and deciphering what they like and will use; and so I decided that I could do the same. "Context and translation" are popular words people use when they want to cut their hair or tattoo themselves, drink alcohol or party until all hours of the night. But somehow scripture becomes finite when Paul says something about homosexual or deviant sexual acts. (Paul, is the ONLY one that ever utters a word about "homosexuality" - which by the way, has no Latin translation because Roman sexuality was only described as dominant or submissive.) Roman Imperials were well known in Biblical times to have sex with young boys who did NOT consent to the sodomy. Paul found it egregious and repulsive, which it was. There is no proof that Paul ever spoke or knew of a loving relationship between two people of the same sex, as being that of a deviant nature. Probably because homosexual relationships did not exist then, in the same context as they do now. People who look to scripture to tell them a myriad of things, do not often quote Jesus himself. When using the Bible to defend their positions regarding their dogma, they often overlook the fact that that was the one thing Jesus got really fired up and pissed off about. Jesus made it abundantly clear that loving our neighbors as ourselves, was THE commandment above all others! He even went so far as to call the Pharisees a bunch of hypocrites who were unjust, unmerciful and unfaithful! They shut the kingdom of God in men's faces - basically cutting off their own noses to spite themselves, because they weren't getting into heaven either! 


I just can't help but believe that if Jesus Christ himself didn't say a word, or utter a single peep about homosexuality, then it couldn't have been THAT big of a deal. And what with me being a Christian and all, I happen to think that what Jesus said, was the be all, end all...


In conclusion, I have to acknowledge that many people do in fact disagree with me and that's okay.  And for those that think our nation is going to Hell in a FedEx Overnight delivery pouch, I offer this as further proof that it is: In 1 Timothy 2:12 Paul clearly states that (KJV) "But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority of the man, but to be in silence." And in 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 says "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." But I guarantee you that everyone who  reads this has in fact been taught in school or even in their church by none other than a blasted woman!!! And therefore I see no way to restore this country to "...one nation, under Paul" errr.... I mean "God" until we get women out of our schools, stop them from teaching, put men in charge of Sunday & Bible School and shut down their wicked influence. They shouldn't be allowed to be CEO's or hold any type of authoratative position over a man in any capacity because by gum, Paul said so!! Now I'm sure a lot of people will start Google-snooping around to find reasons why Paul didn't mean what he said. They'll try to bamboozle you with words like "context" and "translation" but don't you let them. If Paul said it, (after all he mentioned homosexuality or deviant sex 7 whole times) then we know it must be concrete. If we're ever going to restore America, we have to shut the women's pie holes and force the gays to die alone. It's the only way... Right?

My Answer...

                                         
                                  (Valerie, my Dad & Me in 1998)


In the last few days I've tumbled over and over in my mind, a question I was asked by a woman I didn't know very well. I was having dinner with friends and their friends at a restaurant (where margaritas were present, hooray!) and somehow at the tail end of dinner I managed to blurt out that I'd never managed to complete my education or travel like I had wanted to because "I got knocked up right out of high school." You see, before I ever had any idea what I wanted to be or do, I knew that whatever it was, involved a lot of travel and adventure. I thought I would enjoy being a photographer for National Geographic or maybe even a fighter pilot.  I didn't have any particular knack for photography or knowledge of aviation, but a girl can dream. During the course of this conversation I decided to explain, like I always do, that I was married now and that my husband and I have been together since our daughter was three months old. I suppose after all the years I've spent explaining myself to people, in doing so it somehow makes me feel like less of a statistic and more like a "normal" person if I can help people to understand that I'm not a welfare dependent, single parent with multiple baby-daddies. I feel more comfortable if they know I've always tried not to be "that person". Although, not blurting out that I got knocked up when I was young, might be helpful in keeping my humble beginnings unknown, huh? So anyway, after hearing this, one of the ladies seated across from me asked how I raised my children or better yet, how I helped/guided them not to make the same mistakes that I did, or to follow in my footsteps?  It took me by surprise because up to that point I had NEVER been asked that question or one similar. It definitely gave me pause for thought and I wasn't at all offended. I felt as though she had a genuine interest in my answer and I didn't feel judged. But I was definitely surprised.


I was raised in a conservative household by educated parents who instilled in all their children, an understanding that we should have great aspirations and follow them through with higher education. It was not a typical road map for disaster that led me to have a child out of wedlock at the age of 19 without the biological father present in mine or the child's life. It was my stubborn will and the forces of nature, combined with the guiding hand of my benevolent God who knew what was best for me, that led me to have my daughter, Valerie. I have never considered raising either of my children differently from anyone else in an effort to keep them from duplicating my journey. And I guess that's mainly because I've never considered it a mistake or a black mark against my morality. I do have a desire for people to see me as their equal and so I feel compelled to "explain" myself and my current circumstances as a way of lessening any judgement people may first pass on me at their discovery of my family dynamic. That's my issue, not theirs. But in general, I feel I raise my children the same as everyone else. I try to be very very honest with them. If they ask a question, they get a truthful (albeit age appropriate) answer. I know that a vast majority of people consider sex before marriage, and certainly children before marriage, to be morally objectionable. Our society, and most others for that matter, has historically benefited from the family unit and it's ability to provide a majority of the social and economic substance necessary to stabilize their nation. Personally, I just happen to believe that how a family comes to be and who the family is made up of,  is not nearly as important as how much love there is between the family members.


And so my official answer is this: I raise my children to be good people. I raise them to love as much as possible, to forgive without question, to hope for great things, to love God, their country, their family and friends. And most of all, I raise my children to face the consequences of their actions head on. To never be ashamed of who they are and to know that they are loved without end, beyond measure and that they can and will survive whatever this life throws at them. Others may see my life with my daughter as a moral question to be answered... I see my life with my family as the only possible way for me to have ever achieved true happiness and satisfaction. If I am nothing else to my children, I hope that I am an example to them that no life and no person is perfect. They will make mistakes, they will have great successes. But come what may, I hope that they see in me, what happens when you take responsibility for your life choices, learn from them and get on with being who you're meant to be.