I Hear Voices

I believe that most of us at some point in our adult lives stop and take stock of it. We look around and look inside ourselves and wonder how in the hell we got here. Three kids, 8 cars, 4 houses, 15 trips to Disney World and one long damn car ride to a relative's house in Indiana later we have NO idea who we've become because it's been so long since we've heard our own voices that the "who" in you barely registers with you any longer. Who you are hasn't mattered in so long that you yourself start to think it never really did matter to begin with. I had that exact thought today as I found myself staring into space in a deathly quiet house. My mind soared through a tunnel of open space and thought and when I finally snapped out of it I scared the shit out of myself! I was actually inside my own head with NO interference of any kind and what I felt was astonishing. I haven't been that close to "me" in ages. I don't even know what I was thinking about but it felt great. And I had a quiet moment of freedom take hold of me and it reminded me that the "who" in Who I Am really is important. I still matter. I had forgotten that. I've been lost in this big world of big opinions, big ideas and big houses for so long that being silent makes me uncomfortable. Sitting in a quiet room with no television, phone, computer, book, or even so much as a cross-word puzzle causes me such anxiety that I find it difficult to breathe. I can't remember the last time before today that I had experienced a moment like that. But it did convince me that I want and need more of those moments. Even if other people don't "get" me, even if I someday find myself friendless, if I never find my dream job or never get another pat on the back or 'job well done' I have to find a way to be okay with Heather. She has to be enough for me; Even if she's not good enough for anyone else, she should be good enough for me. And I hope that who you are, in those rare and quiet moments alone with just yourself, is good enough for you too...