To multiply, or not to multiply? Why is this still a question???

A particular topic keeps finding it's way to my ears these days and the more I hear about it, the more I want to know about it. As women, we've come a long way. We can vote, wear pants, cut our hair short, work full time AND we still get to clean up after everybody. Hallelujah! So in this day and age, I can't help but wonder why we're still bickering amongst ourselves over why, when and how many children to have?

I am a woman who never wanted children, a mother who has children, and I am woman who's life is vastly enhanced by her children's existence. I whole heartedly embrace my role as a mother and I whole heartedly despise being a mother because for as long as I live, I'll never get to stop worrying about my children and sometimes, I worry so much it makes me literally sick! And because of these factors, I feel somewhat qualified to play devil's advocate from almost every angle of this argument.

I have two delightful, well mannered, quirky children. My daughter is 13 and my son is 11. I had them both via cesarian section. I did NOT breast feed because it creeps me out. (I didn't smoke, drink, consume a single soda, go near cats or litter, etc... during either of my pregnancies. And I point this out only because I want to lessen the shock & awe for anyone who might have fallen over while reading that I didn't breast feed.) My children have always been very healthy. They've had the occasional cold and stomach bug, but no recurring problems. No bronchitis, RSV, ear infections, strep throat, and so on. They're just healthy, happy kids. In 2007 when I was 28, I had a partial hysterectomy and of course that officially put an end to any possible baby making. I felt a twinge of sadness for the loss of my reproductive status but quickly moved on and have been happy to be period free ever since. I wanted to briefly touch on my experiences and decisions as a mother to let you know that I have some unconventional feelings and am aware of that fact. They don't make me any more or less a Mom. It's just me. And lack of acceptance for one another is where I believe we all get into trouble.

I know several people with multiple children. When I say multiple, I mean 4 or more. I'm one of few women that I know who has 2 or fewer children. Most of my friends have 4+. But the question of multiplication seems to cause a great stir for a lot of women. If a couple doesn't have any children, you'll often hear someone ask them "when" they plan to have some. If a couple has 3 children, you've probably heard someone ask them if they plan to "stop" having children. There's always a question... If a couple has a lot of children, they usually catch a lot flack for it. People can be pretty unkind and quite judgemental when it comes to the tender topic of baby making. I've been guilty of it myself. I've never intended to insult anyone's personal decisions, but I've let out more than one gasp upon hearing the news that "so and so" was pregnant AGAIN. (But that usually only applies to the welfare mothers who can't support the kids they have and for some reason think it's the tax payers responsibility. But that's another topic...) My sister openly admits that she doesn't want children. She acknowledges that she enjoys her life as it is and can do as she pleases, spend her money on herself and enjoy her nieces and nephews. Personally I think that sounds devine. I wouldn't want to trade places with her, knowing the joys of children the way I do. But I don't begrudge her a life of self fulfillment either. I hear women call one another "selfish" for having too many, or not having any children. It's a silly thing to say really. An argument can be made for both points-of-view. Obviously wanting to spend your life doing what makes you happy, indulging only yourself can sound extremely self absorbed. But then again, I don't find anything selfless in bringing children into the world to brighten your own life, knowing that like all living creatures, they'll pay their way with a death. And we don't even know how or when it will happen to them.

It makes no sense to argue over such matters. As long as I'm not required to pay for or raise anyone else's kids, it's not for me to say how many, when or IF they should even have children. If you feel like you have too many kids, knock it off and don't have any more. If you don't have enough, get busy making or buying some more. If you don't want any, fan-frickin-tastic! Enjoy your life & a world without gut grinding fear and panic. Congratulations to ALL of us with or without children. Thank God the choice is ours. Hallelujah we get to decide these days!! Because in the end, that's what it's all about. Choice. And a little celebration on behalf of that all too elusuvie fact, wouldn't hurt any of us. Go hug a woman who's pulling her beautiful hair out because all of her kids won't give her a moment's peace today. Lend her a hand and celebrate her crazy life. Go hug an awesome, childless aunt (whether it be yours or one you know) and tell her how great it is that she can be there for you and your kids. And just be totally jealous of me. Because I have the two cutest, coolest kids on the planet!! And I'm totally NOT biased either.