What's in a (stupid) name?

We all want our children to feel special, to be unique, to have an identity separate from our own, or from anyone's for that matter. We are raised in a culture of me-ness. We are expected to fulfill our own special dreams. To choose, seek and find a path that is all our own in an effort to carve out an identity so special that everyone will remember our specialness... We then go forth and have very special children. And in this age of uniqueness and specialness (TON! TON! TON!) has come

 THE SPECIAL NAME!!! A mark so grand that it will become a defining glimpse into your child's own brand of uniquely identifying features. It will tell the world in a mere moment all we need to know about this extemely special creature we are about to behold. While fulfilling your own unique and special brand of self, you managed to give birth to an equally special, gifted and brilliant offspring! Congratulations!!! Everyone now knows that you're an idiot because you named your child Caramilia Delania Hussenflower OR Jax Liamson Gibson. Your inability to recognize how vastly unimportant it is for a child to have a unique name has made you look like a first class jackass.

Names that are impossible to spell set your child up for a lifetime of bitter resentment over never receiving a piece of mail with the correct spelling of their name on it. They'll never be able to find a keychain or a pre printed wall decoration containing their name while on vacation. People will ask them thousands upon thousands of times in their lifetime "How do you spell that?" Behind their backs and yours especially, people will boldly and happily lament on your foolishness as well as their gratitude that you are not their parent.

Combining names is the worst! Taking a perfectly solid and lovely name like, Jennifer and forcing a collision with Andrew gives us the possiblity of someday running into old Jenndrew or Andifer. (God help me, I probably just gave some idiot an idea for a name.) 

What's wrong with a solid name that's easy to spell??? I'd much rather come into contact with little Kathy who was well behaved and who's parents cared enough to raise her well, than I would meet little Brailynne who's parents believed in her specialness so much that they didn't bother to raise her at all. Children are special to their parents and a few close friends and relatives; NOT to the population at large! And the faster they, and their parents figure that out, the happier we ALL will be.